She's like my sister...

I was never the teenager that had a lot of friends.  When I was in high school, my "group" consisted of two people who were completely different than I was and that is it.  Actually, I was the girl who got made fun of.  Oh yeah, bullied beyond belief.  That got so bad that I wouldn't want to go to school.  I wanted to stay home in bed all day and sulk about how terrible I was.  Of course, that was not an option and I had to find comfort somewhere, so I did turn to the internet.

The year was 2001 and I had found a message board for the group 'N Sync, who I was a huge fan of, so I decided to join and see what it was all about.  To make a very long story short, I had met someone who introduced me to a friend of hers... Her friend's name was Lauren.  We started talking and hit it off right away.  About a week later we had spoken on the phone and every day and every night we would talk to each other VIA phone or internet. (or even both at the same time!)  Lauren and I quickly became best friends, the kind of friend that I had never had before this.  She was someone that I could vent to, I could go to for guy advice, someone who was just like me in some ways but completely different too.  Finally, I had someone I could lean on and confide in.  

October of 2001 brought Lauren and myself wanting to get together.  I had been figure skating at that time and decided to ask Lauren to meet me at the skating rink.  The problem was, she had to get her mother to drive her. (Since we were 14 and 15, respectively...)  I had not lied to my mom about the situation, I just withheld the information from her that Lauren was coming.  (Of course, that's not how she recounts it, but it's the truth!)  -- But I digress -- Finally, after my skating session, Lauren got to the rink with her mother and we spent a very long time talking to each other and having just as much fun in person as we did online and on the phone.  Our mothers also had a great conversation and got to know each other better.  

After that Lauren and I saw each other twice a year.  She lived two hours from us, so it was impossible for us to get together more often, but we wanted to.  Once I went to college, since I went to college in Philadelphia, Lauren and I became even closer.  At that point, I lived only 15-20 minutes from her house, so I would go there often.  Honestly, I think I was at her house more than I was in my dorm room.  Her mother quickly became more like a mother to me than I realized in the years prior.  

I owe a hell of a lot to Lauren.  She is someone who can drive me crazy but keep me sane at the same time.  She is someone who I look up to, even though she's younger than me.  She's someone who I can call with the stupidest problem, and she will make me laugh.  She is someone that even though we don't talk too much anymore, once we do call each other, it's like we never stopped talking.  She is someone that taught me the real meaning of friendship, and was it means to have someone that knows you better than you know yourself. And she definitely does.  She is more like my sister than my own sister is and we will always be best friends.  

Thank you Laur, for 11 years of EVERYTHING!!

(Inspired by Mama Kat's prompt - That one time you met your online friend in real life (was it everything you thought it would be?)

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30 Day Blog Challenge: DAY FIVE - Favorite Quote

Believe it or not, I am completely serious, in High School I had a notebook full of quotes that inspired me.  High School was a very tough time for me, and whenever I felt down or felt like I couldn't go on with the humiliation and bullying, I would open up my book of quotes and go on to read some of them.  I can't take all the credit for the idea, another girl in my class started me on the idea.  It was a great idea, though because I loved to open that notebook and read inspiring and empowering quotes.  Unfortunately, I lost that notebook by now, but I would love to find it some day and read them through again.  I do have a few favorite quotes that I will list here with the reasons why I love them!

"If your kids hate you, you're doing something right..."

I say this so often here and that's because I completely feel it's true.  I hated my mom when I was a kid/teenager because she was overprotective of me and because she said no to things that would spoil me or otherwise hurt me.  Of course, at that time I never realized that everything she did was to protect me and just thought she was trying to be mean to me.  My kids are the same way.  If they want to do something or go somewhere and I say no, they hate me.  They despise me.  They say the same things to me that I said to my mom, but I don't take them to heart.  I know they're in the same position I was where I wanted to get my way so I used to say things to my mom to try to get my way.  My girls just don't realize that I'm just trying to protect them and I feel that because of that, I'm doing something right.  They'll realize someday, when they have kids, the reasons I said no weren't because I wanted to be mean or make their lives miserable, I was just trying to do my motherly duty to protect them.

"The surest way not to fail is to determine to succeed."

...And it's so true.  If you set your mind for success every single time, you will succeed -- or at least you will feel good knowing you tried your hardest to succeed.  Imo, if you don't have the mindset to succeed, you probably won't.  If you think you're going to fail and you have that doubt in your mind, you probably will.  Think positively and things will probably go your way!

"Insist on yourself. Never imitate."

More or less meaning be yourself.  It's very important to stay true to who you are and not change for anyone.  Don't try to be someone you're not because if you don't like yourself, others will know that and feel the same way.  If you carry yourself with confidence, others will see that and like you for who you are.  This is a very important thing that I learned the hard way early on. 

"You must look into other people as well as at them."

Some people aren't always what they seem and occasionally you have to look beyond their front and facade to who they truly are.  If they're putting on a mask, it should be easy to see if you try!  Also another variation of, "Don't judge a book by it's cover." :)  

  

"The mind that is anxious about future events is miserable."

If you always dwell on what will happen in the future, you can't enjoy today.  You have to live for the moment and not worry about what can possibly happen.  You'll cross that bridge when you come to it!  Of course, I don't practice what I preach and I'm always worrying about the future. That's how I know it makes you miserable most of the time!  I talk from experience!

 

 

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Before I was a mom...

Before I was a mom I was very irresponsible and selfish.  My own mother and I never got along, and I now realize that was because I was a disrespectful little bitch person as a teenager.  I wanted what I wanted and if I didn't get it...watch out! I never understood why she was so overprotective of me and swore that she was just doing it because she hated me.  I felt uncool and actually was uncool.  I never fit in anywhere or with anyone, but I tried like hell.  I would have done absolutely anything to try to fit in, and I probably did. 

I would spend money frivolously like I could just pick more off of the big money tree.  I spent on my credit cards like there was an endless flow of money at the other end.  Being at the mall was dangerous for me because I would end up leaving with more than I could actually afford.  Shopping has always been my downfall.....  Just as drugs or alcohol are terrible addictions; mine was shopping.  I never thought of the consequences of my actions and never thought of anyone but myself.  (Ok, maybe sometimes I did...)

Before I was a mom I had a lot of time to perfect my craft.  I was an artist and I would stay up for hours working on one painting.  When I started a painting, getting up to go to the bathroom, get something to eat, getting something to drink, getting up to walk around, those were all things that weren't on my mind.  Once I was in "the zone", unless someone reminded me I should get up and eat or walk around, I wouldn't.  I was a perfectionist and I had to just finish "a little bit more" before I finally got up.  I had a great concentration span and would sit there until the wee hours of the morning to try to finish or perfect my piece.  

Going to the gym was important to me.  I would get up early and get to the gym before I did anything else.  If I couldn't get to the gym, I'd walk around town to get where I had to go.  Well, I also didn't have a car.  On foot was the only way I could have gotten to most places!  I didn't complain about walking and actually loved it.  Exercise made me feel renewed and refreshed.

Before I was a mom I'd lie to my mom continuously.  I would go out with guys and tell her I was elsewhere.  I knew that she would get mad at me or wouldn't let me go if I told her where I was really going.  I never cared that she had no idea where I really was and never answered any of her continuous calls when I wasn't home on time.  I always wondered why she didn't trust me and thought I was doing everything right.

I never realized how incomplete my life was before I was a mom.  I thought I could do anything and I probably could have.  I thought everything was perfect when I was going out with friends and guys, disrespecting my mom, lying to her and talking about her behind her back.  I thought shopping WAS my life and thought spending money was something everyone did the same way that I did.  I was completely wrong.

It's amazing how having a baby can change your life in an instant.  The second I found out I was pregnant with DD1, it was like a polar opposite within a few minutes.  I instantly felt this responsibility and love for someone other than myself.  I felt this immense maturity come over me and realized that my life was now for someone else.  It's so true... I live for my children.  They are my reason for life.  I will do anything for them, and I do.  

Shopping is so different now.  Of course, I do buy things for myself, and I am still a shopping addict, except I'm a shopping addict for my children and I do make wiser choices. (Though difficult!)  I would rather buy something for my girls than for myself.  If it's a choice between the both, I would always put mine back and choose theirs.  That is something that I never thought I would do, if you had asked me as a teenager.

Being a mom changes everything and it changes everything for the better.  All of the good times outweigh the struggles and complications.  Once you see your kids' smiles, it's all worth it. :) 

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