Jan 30, 2011

It sucks to be head of household.

Every year on my taxes, I file head of household.  Why?  Because basically, I am.  My mom is unemployed because she cannot work.  She has had an injured knee for years and since she is unemployed and has no income, she doesn't have insurance to get the surgery that she needs.  While I am trying to see if I can add her to my benefits for health insurance at my job, we have to wait to see if that can be done.  So for now, she watches my girls when I am at work and I give her what I can for babysitting my two maniacs kids.  I know that what I give her per week isn't a lot, but it is enough to get her through what she currently needs.  I know that she wants to get a job to help out.  I also feel that once she gets her knee surgery and can stand and walk again, she definitely will try to get something little to bring more money into the house.  My mom has always worked and I know she feels helpless when she can't do much.

It's so hard, being a 25 (and 3\4!) year old single mom who is also supporting her mother and everything in the house.  Especially since I am one that works two jobs and tries to hold down the home as well.  My jobs aren't high paying jobs, they're retail and reception.  While I do get paid more than other employees because of my experience and work ethic, it's still difficult to work all I have to work to get the money we need to keep the house going.  Now that I do have two jobs, I am trying to save money per paycheck in a savings account and emergency fund.  We have to get back on our feet, and we will.  I feel so useless, sometimes, that we live paycheck to paycheck, but that's all that can be done right now.  In the future, I hope to get a job that pays more so we can be comfortable and not apprehensive, but at least we are no longer worrying about where our next meal will come from.  (A few years ago, that was actually one of our concerns.)

This is why I clip and search for coupons, this is why I have put so much time into studying the right way to use and stack coupons and this is why I try to save all I can where I can.  It's a really great feeling to get a $100 grocery bill for $40 or even sometimes less.  This is why I go to many different stores and not just one grocery store, but this is also why I am stressed.  Sometimes it feels like I am running errands all day and have no break time.  I also wish that my mom would appreciate me more for all that I do.

My mom is a great person, she really is.  I love her for so many reasons and appreciate her for adopting me and giving me the life that I wouldn't have had otherwise.  She supported me for so many years, even working two jobs at one point so I could have what I wanted.  I love my mom and I know that I am giving back to her by supporting her right now.  Sometimes, though, I feel like I am underappreciated and not giving the credit that I am due.  There are times that she yells at me for being out going to different stores, but how else would we get the good deals that we are?  There are even times she yells at me for being exhausted and wanting to take a nap.  I work two jobs that are very difficult and stressful.  On top of that, cleaning the house as much as I have to, making dinner, figuring out what to make for dinner, and all the other mommy-hood duties -- at the end of the day I am asleep standing up.  Sometimes I just wish she would understand and thank me for all I do.  She does occasionally, but the days that she disrespects me and tells me I am lazy, it hurts. 

I shouldn't be complaining about this and I should be lucky that I have a mother who cares and watches my kids, that I have a place to live and that I have a job to support my family and put food on the table.  I just needed to get this off my chest.  This is why I love blogging, I can rant and rave and maybe one or two people who read this would relate.