One day I had a writers block and started looking through Mama Kat's blogging prompts. This was one that jumped out at me. Of course, it's a few months old, but I don't care! I still wanted to write it!
The prompt was, "Write a letter to the 10 year old you were..."
Dear Ten Year Old Krissy,
As much as you think you have to try to impress others and as much as you think you have to be someone you're not, YOU DON'T! If people are your friend when you are completely yourself, they're worth your time and they are actually your friend. If you feel you have to change or impress them, and if they don't like you for who you really are, forget them. It's not worth your time!
Having low self confidence will scar you for life. Trust me, I know. Forget about the "Kick Me" sign on your back and the kid who tried to tie your shoe laces to the desk, that stuff is just a temporary humiliation. As much as you think your life is going to end when the entire class laughs at you, it won't. The moment will pass, the day will go on, and when the next day comes there will be something else for them to laugh at. Kids. Are. Cruel. You can't let that stuff get to you. Letting it impact you will make you even more of an easy target. They bully kids that they know they can get a reaction out of. It gives them some sort of sick satisfaction to see someone cry. Be strong, stand up for yourself, and keep your head held high over every bully who tries to put you down. Bullies are like wild animals, they can smell/sense your fear.
The most important thing is concentrating on school and studying. Image and how you are perceived to others is the least of your worries. Dwelling on the negative and thinking of how you can impress people instead of being a dork will just make you slack in class and make your grades go down. It will also cause you to be depressed. It's not worth it.
You're a strong person, even if you don't realize it. You can overcome the feelings of vulnerability. You can change your priorities before it's too late.
As parents, we want our children to get the most out of what we teach them and we also want them to get along well in life by what we teach them. When children are young they're like sponges; they absorb absolutely everything around them and everything we teach them. Their young minds are eager to learn. There are many lessons that our children should learn, but these are a few that I find are very important for present and future.
1. Children need to learn responsibility. Some children depend on their parents for everything and that is OK in some cases, however children do need to learn responsibility early on when they want to learn. Give your children some age appropriate chores. You can give them an allowance or small reward if you desire, but make sure they don't learn to depend on the reward/allowance and make sure they learn WHY they're doing the chores. You don't want them doing the chores half heartedly. Teach them that responsibility is something they're going to have their entire lives. Independence will eventually be very important.
2. Respect. I was a child that was bullied and it made my life a living hell. I think all parents should teach their child respect and the importance of including all types of children into their activities and friendships. There is no reason for excluding others because they are different. No two children are exactly alike. Children definitely pick on others for absolutely no reason, and I believe that if more parents taught their children the importance of respect for others there would be less bullied kids.
3. You have to like yourself for others to like you. Confidence is extremely important in life and extremely important to learn while you're young. It will carry on throughout your entire life. Teach your children to love themselves just the way they are. I was always taught that if you carry yourself with confidence it will help you in your school work, activities, career path as well as general success. Believe in yourself.
4. Parents aren't trying to be the bad guy. If we say no to something, it's because we know better. We're not trying to be mean. I remember when I was a child and my mom would be overprotective -- I would tell her she hated me, I would say terrible things that I'm sure every daughter must say to their mothers at least once in their lives. I never realized that parents are overprotective just because they love their children and are doing all they can to protect them from danger and from mistakes that they themselves have made in the past.
5. The importance of saving money and financial stability. Starting early is important for the future. Teach your children how they get money by working for it and teach them that working and saving their money is important for getting things they'd like to have. You can start to teach them by dividing up their allowances and birthday money into a few separate envelopes. (Possibly a saving envelope, a pocket money envelope and an envelope to go into the bank.) Once they start to see the money add up, they will want to keep on adding to those envelopes. Teach them that the way they have TV, phone service, internet, etc... is to pay the bills monthly. It's also very important to teach them about credit cards and make sure they know that the money they spend with a credit card they DO have to pay back. As a child, I thought a credit card was plastic money. I thought it was basically free and we never had to use our real money for it.
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Many people ask me about Alayna's dad. I usually tell them that it's a complicated situation and it really is. It's probably one of the most complicated stories and one of the hardest stories for me to even bring up. Whenever I do, it breaks my heart and makes me wonder what I could have done differently to change the outcome. I know things can't change, I know the past is the past, but I have never completely gotten over the entire situation. Healing a heart takes time. Trusting again takes even longer.
In 2004 I met my biological family. To make a long story short, my sisters and I along with my brother went bowling one night. My brother brought along a friend.
Off to college I went that August in Philadelphia. I got a call one night from my sister. She told me that the friend and I had met while bowling with them liked me and wanted to ask me out. Honestly, I had been shocked. I thought this guy was very attractive that night when I was bowling and never thought he would like me. I never thought anyone would like me!
I started talking to him and when our Art History class went on a field trip to New York, my friend Erin and I met him and my brother in New York City. Of course, we did the stupidest thing we could possibly do at that point and told our teacher that since it was a Friday and since I lived 20 minutes from NYC, I would just go home for the weekend with Erin and we'd take the train back on Sunday. She agreed.
We ended up spending time with my ex and my brother that weekend. I really got to know him and he got to know me. It turned out that we really liked each other and wanted to keep on getting to know each other better. They ended up driving us back to Philadelphia.
So it started -- My ex would come to Philadelphia every weekend and spend it in Philadelphia or he would drive me back to New York and would spend time at my house. I am grateful for this because I got to know my brother better as well. Because they were best friends, my brother would come with my ex constantly. I do owe getting to know my brother better because of my ex... That's the only credit I will give to him. (But I digress...)
He and I had formally met on September 4th, and by October 27th he told me he loved me. Honestly, I did feel the same. We both agreed it was love at first sight, and I believe it was. Even to this day I believe it was.
I was so much in love with him and had the most wonderful relationship. I was so happy. At that point, he was my everything and everything I wanted in a man. We were inseparable and did absolutely everything together. He won my friends over, my mom over, my family over. Everyone loved him. Mr. Charmer.
By December, he informally proposed to me. Naturally, I accepted. He claimed he would buy me a ring when he made enough money to pay it off. However, we had gone to look at rings many times.
My family loved him and his loved mine. His younger sister and I got along very well and became best friends. My sister called him my husband and called me his wife. Everyone saw the relationship we had and the love we had for each other. My mom even let him sleep at our house when I was home for the weekends and for most of Winter Break. He had become my life. It was everything I could have ever asked for.
I got pregnant with Alayna in February of 2005. At first things weren't going so well at that point. When I told him, he wrote me a check and told me I had to go have an abortion. Now, anyone who knows me knows that I am 100% against abortion. I would never do it and I told him that I wasn't going to do it. It took him a few days, but he eventually warmed up to the idea and told me that he was very sorry for suggesting it. He claimed he was just in shock and scared. Things started going better again and he and I started to look for an apartment. We started making plans for the baby.
He acted like he cared and had me fooled. He had everyone fooled.
After I found out I was pregnant, the school gave me the option of finishing the year or taking a family leave. I figured since I was an art major, was around paint and charcoal fumes, it would be better to take a leave. I also chose that so I wouldn't be apart from my ex. We had a plan that I would go back to school when the baby was old enough. That was decided when my school said they would hold my full scholarship for 5 years. I believed every word. I was hooked.
Fast forward -- I'm 6 months pregnant. My pregnancy with Alayna wasn't easy. I had bad morning sickness, migraines, I miscarried a twin, I had gestational diabetes, pre eclampsia and in many cases, I was on and off bedrest because of my blood pressure. His caring slipped farther and farther away. Like caring for me actually was too much of a chore.
One day, my birth mom called telling me my ex was cheating on me. She saw him on numerous occasions with another woman. That tore my heart out. It hurt than worse than any physical injury. The love of my life was a liar and a cheat.
When I confronted him, he turned defensive denying everything and ordered me to limit contact with my family and friends. He said they were brain washing & controlling me. He turned very verbally abusive and even more so than he had been before.
The truth was HE was brainwashing me for as long as we were dating. I was just too blind to see and my best friend is the one who hit the nail on the head early on with telling me she had a bad feeling. I should have believed her. She knows me better than anyone else and I should have trusted her and what she said to me. Instead, she and I argued.
Because of his abuse, I made the hardest decision to let him go. To try to get on by myself. It is the first parental decision I ever made and did for my daughter.
29 year old single mom of two little girls, blogging her way through life. Lives in New Jersey and is obsessed with going to New York City. Self proclaimed theater geek.
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