Goals and Aspirations Now vs. Pre Mom

My life completely changed once I had my first daughter in October of 2005.  Before becoming a mom I was very selfish and not concerned with the value of money at all.  I would go on shopping sprees with any money I brought in from work, I wasn't concerned with saving any of my money and I only cared about myself and my appearance.  I lived for primping myself up to be more attractive to men and my life revolved around finding a boyfriend so that I could fit in. 

I was 19 years old and in college when I got pregnant with my oldest daughter.  Among spending money on clothing, concerts, going out with my friends and going out with my fiance, I now had another concern; being pregnant.  It wasn't easy.  I spent many days trying to figure out how I would continue to lead the normal life of a 19/20 year old while pregnant and also while having a newborn.  One night I realized that I couldn't, I would just have to completely change the way I thought about myself, money and my free time. It seemed so challenging for me to think about having to change my ways.  It only felt challenging to me until she was born.

My oldest was born prematurely on October 5th, 2005.  She was 5 weeks early and was put immediately into the NICU for medical reasons and was there for nearly two months.  Once that happened everything changed in my life.  I was 100% devoted to my daughter and did everything I could to figure out ways to solve questions the doctors had about her and her health.  My life now revolved around this little (well, she was 8lbs 7oz) baby that was now mine.  

Goals and aspirations definitely changed from pre-mommy to post-mommy.  While I used to want to be an artist and figure skater, I had to put those dreams on hold while I tried my best to make a good living for myself and my girls.   I used to have goals of making new friends whenever I could and finding a boyfriend, I had to live for myself and my girls and not live for finding someone to be with long term.  I left it up to fate and not to my cruising dating websites or bars for a soul mate.  My priorities also changed in finding someone to date.  Instead of them being cute, having a car, having money and being independent; my main priority was to find someone who would treat my girls as their own and someone who would love me and my kids unconditionally.  

Your life, priorities, goals and aspirations completely do a turn once you become a parent.  You live for your kids and live for making their lives better; not your own.  

How have your priorities and goals changed since becoming a parent?

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I sound just like my mom; Things I swore I would never do as a parent.

I remember my mom telling me when I was a child, one day you will understand what it's like to be a parent & you will sound like me too.  

I didn't believe her.

Actually, I laughed at her and may have rolled my eyes...

Years later, as a mother, I completely understand what she was saying to me.  There are times where I take a minute and think, wow, I am just like my mother...and it scares me!  It scares me because I swore I would be a great single mother just like her but I also swore I wouldn't do certain things that I ended up doing anyway.  

1. Use electronics as my babysitter

When I was pregnant with my oldest I swore to myself that I would never use electronics as my babysitter.  I told myself that I would make time to spend as much time with my daughter as humanly possible and I did achieve this for the first few years of her life.  When she got older and I actually got a job outside of the house, I found that it was impossible to be with her at every second of the day.  My mom would babysit her while I was at work and she would turn the TV on for my daughter when she had to get some work done...and I ended up doing the same.

It's so hard, as a working mother, to come home from work, make dinner and clean the house while also entertaining my kids.  I had to depend on the TV, computer, their ipods, etc... when I'm trying to get the essential things done.  I know some parents are going to think that I'm horrible for it, but you gotta do what you gotta do, right?

2. Yelling at my kids
Sometimes I say that my mom doesn't know how to communicate by speech, she only knows how to yell.  Though that's a joke, she did yell a lot at me when I was a kid.  I understand now that she was a single mother who tried to do everything for me and sometimes I was not grateful for all she did for me.  I completely understand that!  When I had my kids, I promised myself that I would never yell at them...I was wrong. 

"Clean your room!"
"Do your homework!"
"Get your leg off your sisters lap!"
"Don't touch that, it's not yours!"

I find myself losing patience so often that I feel horrible about yelling at my kids.  Though I know every parent does at some point in time...especially when they have kids who deliberately disobey or who don't listen to a word that their parents say. *cough*mykids*cough*

3. Say things that my mother said to me
Although my mother was a great single mother who did everything possible for me, I still said I wouldn't become her.  I told myself that I would never say anything that she said;

"Stop it or I will turn this car around right now."
"If your friend jumped off a bridge, would you?"
"Eat your food, there are kids starving in the world!"
"Clean your room or I'll get trash bags and clean it for you!"

Stuff like that...but there's more I can't remember right now.  Sometimes I just stop and say to myself, "Did I just say what my mother used to say to me?"  It's shocking how natural those words seem now that I'm a mother versus how unnatural they seemed beforehand. 

4. Get my kids something at the store just to shut them up
If you've ever been to a grocery store with your kids, you completely know what I'm saying!  There are times that I can't stand hearing my kids beg for this and that.  Most of the time I don't give in (when it's higher priced things they don't need)  but if it's a candy bar or a bottle of soda most of the time I will tell my kids to shut up and just throw it in the cart.  It stops them from annoying me...for a few minutes...

Though I did swear to myself that I would never give in to my kids just because I didn't want to spoil them like I was spoiled as a kid. 

5. Let them have junk food
I remember when I would say that I would never let my kids have junk food because I didn't want them to be unhealthy or have weight problems like I did.  Well, I learned to choose my battles in life.  When they were younger I would say no to junk food and really tried to have them eat healthy but it just became impossible as time went on.  I do limit junk food and make healthy lunches and dinners for them, but sometimes for breakfast you have to pop in frozen waffles or give them sugary cereals. If you're pressed for time, there's nothing else that you can do!

6. Leave their room a mess and close the door
Never have I been a super organized person but honestly I've never been a completely messy person either.  For the first few years I would clean their room when it got messy and then as they got older I had them clean it.  I would literally be on them like white on rice until it was cleaned.  Eventually, I realized just how much effort and time that took and started telling them & asking them to clean their rooms.  Occasionally they did and occasionally I walked into a room that looks like a hurricane hit it. I would get angry and frustrated until I realized that no one goes to the second floor and no one really cares except me.  Sure I would love to have a house that's spotless and looks like it's never been lived in but that is theoretically impossible with the two crazies I have living in my house.  I've learned that when they don't listen to me and clean, just shut the door and walk past.  Unless they are having friends over, no one is going to see it anyway.  Once again -- pick your battles.

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Why I am Teaching my Kids to be Financially Savvy and Smart

I will be the first person to admit that I'm not always smart with money. 

My mother raised me on her own after my father passed away and she never really taught me ways to be smart with my money.  Rather, I picked up on all of her (not so good) spending habits while we were out shopping as a child.  My mother hardly used cash and always had her credit card or used a check while out and about.  I remember asking her, "Why does that machine just give you money when you ask for it?"  I was talking about the ATM.  Obviously I didn't grasp the concept of an ATM and the fact that you have to put money in for it to come out.  

Because of my mother not explaining financial caution to me, I got a credit card at 18 and spent more than I could handle. I did attempt to pay it off with my minimum wage part time job, at the time, but I didn't get very far and decided to give up.  After that I got a few more credit cards and took on even more than I could put on my plate at that time.  Fast forward 10 years later and I'm struggling to pay off my debt, including student loans.  

For this reason, I want to teach my kids how to be financially savvy now that I believe they are both old enough to understand the concept and value of money.

> When should you talk to your kids about money?

I think around 6 or 7 is the best time to do so.  Some people say that you should start as soon as they are old enough to understand what is going on in the world around them (2-3),but I feel that is way too young.  I think around 6 years old they are old enough to understand how much money they have and what happens when they buy something.  It's important to tell your children that money has value and when they spend it, it's gone until they can make some more money.  

> How to talk to your kids about money?

It's important to let your kids know that money just doesn't come to them with a magic wand.  There's no money tree, there's no easy way to get money.  The only way to get money is for them to earn it themselves.  We are following the way of age = allowance amount.  (i.e.  If your child is 6 years old, they will get $6 a week if they do their chores and behave.  If your child is 8, they will get $8 a week and so on...)

My kids know that everything we have, we have to pay for.  I explained to them that every month mommy pays for the rent so we can live in  our house, cable so that we can have TV and internet, electricity so we have lights in the house, our cell phone bill and other bills to keep living how we are living.  Of course, they found that out the hard way when our cable was shut off when I was between jobs.  As much as they wanted Disney Channel and Nick Jr. back, they had to patiently wait until mommy had the money to pay for it.  As much as I am ashamed to admit that fact, I'm sure that I am not the only person that has happened to in the past.  

Explain to your kids that saving is important for the future.  Do they want to go to college?  Do they want to buy a car when they get older? Is there something special they want to save their money for?  Then they have to SAVE.  We are doing the envelope method. 

We have two envelopes per child and each has "My Money" on one and "Savings" on the other.  I have a small lock box that we will be keeping our savings envelopes in so they are not tempted to spend any of it.  The envelopes for the girls to spend, I will be keeping in my purse each time we go out just in case they feel the need to purchase anything when we are out and about.  

I am going to follow the method that for them, 10% goes into savings and 90% they can keep for themselves.  So that would mean that Olivia (6) would have to put $0.60 into savings every week and Alayna (8) would put in $0.80.  I explained to them that though those amounts are small, they will add up over the course of a year. 

We are also turning this into a math lesson for my girls.  We found two blank check registers when we were moving and I knew they would come in handy.  We put each girls name on one of them and will start this week entering:

- How much they get at the end of the week

- Calculating how much they have in total

- Entering in their purchases

- Deducting their purchase amounts to equal how much they have left.

I feel that if we put this all down in black and white it will be a lot easier for them to understand where their money goes and how fast it can go when you want something you don't need.  

Why am I doing this?

Plain and simple -- I spoiled my kids for years.  They seem to think that every time they go shopping with me they are entitled to my purchasing them a toy, which is not the case.  I want them to completely understand the concept of money and how quickly you can spend it without even realizing it.  If I don't teach them now, I worry that in the future they will get into the same problem I am now in, trying to pay off tons of debt.  

Do you teach your kids to be financially savvy?

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Why I Loved Being a Work at Home Mom

Image borrowed from It's a WAHM Thing

While browsing through my e-mail one day I saw this post and it really made me miss being a work at home mom.  In the post the blogger states the frustrations but also the many (more) advantages of being a work at home mom and I completely agree with both sides.

I was a work at home mom from the moment my daughter was a year old until two years ago and I used to absolutely love to be home with my little girl.  Before choosing to work from home I was hesitant to make that huge change.  The change from going to work every day and being social with my fellow employees to working from home and having no interaction with anyone else I work with or the outside world. (not to be dramatic!)  Though, the more I thought about being able to be home with my daughter and being able to watch her grow up, the more I wanted to make the switch.  I was glad I did.

The main advantages, for me, were as follows:

#1.  Being able to see her grow up.  That was a huge thing for me.  As a first time mom, at that point, I did not want to miss a second of her being a baby.  I had already regretted that I went back to work (outside the home) right after my 6 weeks was up until the time she was a year old.  I know, I was a single mom and that's all I could do at that point, but I feel like I missed a lot of her actual infancy.  I didn't want to miss another minute of any firsts for her.  I'm big on milestones and recorded absolutely everything that she did, so I was very happy that I would get to continue that.  

#2.  Being able to make my own hours was also a huge advantage for me.  For the first few years I worked with two companies that contracted at home workers, but I was still able to choose my own schedule.  I was able to work around my daughter's schedule, take breaks when she needed something and was still able to take care of the house while I had some downtime.  I loved being able to work when I was able to.  

#3.  The challenge to stay motivated was also a huge deal for me.  I love to challenge myself and this was a big one.  The transition from working outside of the home to working at home was definitely more difficult in that aspect.  Why?  When you work outside of the home you have a boss breathing down your neck every minute of the day.  You have a boss to tell you what to do and when to do it...when you work at home it's just you, in your home, with PLENTY of distractions.  So challenging myself not to turn on the TV, pick up a book, chat on my phone or letting the dishes in the sink nag me!  It was hard to stay motivated in the beginning, but once I got a momentum going it was much easier.  I loved it.

Those are the top three reasons I absolutely loved being a work at home mom.  Why did I feel I had to write this post?  Well, today I was offered a promotion at my seasonal job to become Office Manager and I accepted the job.  I'm not feeling sad about it at all, in fact I'm extremely excited to have gotten this promotion.  It's a huge honor and one that I will take on head first and combat my way to success.  However, I wanted to look back and let others know that working from home is completely do-able and a great opportunity if you have young children or are a single mother.  I may be working outside of the home now, but I wouldn't trade my work at home days for anything in the world.

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Do low income families need better parenting skills?

I read an article today that was titled, Are Poor Parents Poorer at Parenting?  Just the title made me a little angry because I don't see how income really makes parents good, bad or needing improvement.  Even though I was angry I decided to read the article and to give it a chance; I'm seriously an optimist at times!  To be honest, the article was not half bad and did touch on the fact that even middle class and upper class families can use some parenting help.  It got me thinking, How many people actually feel this way about low income families?

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"Mommy, why was your childhood so boring?"

I remember being a child and having to use my imagination to play with Barbies, my doll house, Polly Pockets, dolls and other various toys.  Back in the 1980's, electronic toys were few and far between.  When I had a toy that was electronic, it wasn't very advanced; they were just being developed and were very plain.  I would get out of the house daily and for a long time.  I got exercise by playing with my friends, by going to the park, riding my bike, my scooter, my roller skates/ roller blades and using my imagination to play different games with my friends.  

Fast forward to more modern days where preschoolers learn computers as part of their curriculum in school!  By kindergarten, children are computer savvy.  Hell, some kindergartners even have their own computers.  I see 8 year olds with their own cell phones, texting and even with their own e-mail accounts.  I'm not saying that knowing the computer when you're young is a bad thing, but I know many parents who have young children and don't monitor what they're doing online.  I know many parents who tell me they trust their children and don't feel like they have to monitor what they're doing.  It's not the fact of distrusting your children, but the fact of distrusting others and knowing the dangers that are out there in cyberworld.

I understand the need for technology, however I also worry.  Kids aren't getting the exercise they need because of technology.  Sure, we have the Wii and I love Nintendo for coming up with such a great concept; a gaming system that conbines family time, exercise and fun.  Even so, children need fresh air and more physical movement.  I also believe they should go outside and enjoy their time because it's better than being stuck in the house.  Even voluntarily stuck.

It really dawned on me when I had brought some of my old toys up from the basement for my girls to play with.  My oldest, Alayna, asked me how did I play with the toys when it wasn't electronic.  I had told her that when I was younger electronic toys were just being created and she really thought my childhood was boring!  I had to explain to her that when I was a kid it was 1980 and most of our fun was created by ourselves.  We had to use our imagination to make the dolls talk and to come up with scenarios.   She didn't really understand why there was no electronics, but I realized that our kids now are brought up with Nintendo, Playstation, XBox, computers, toys that talk and walk and poop and pee...

My kids have great imaginations because that's how I raised them, but I think there are some parents who depend on the toys that do the work for them.  In fact, I know some of those parents.  More children should be limited to the technology toys and should spend more time with the toys that stretch the imagination and build the creativity.  Not even that, but kids should be able to get out of the house and exercise, play games outside, going to the park.  They need the fresh air.

Sometimes I see 4 and 5 year olds playing outside all by themselves.  While it's good that they're outside and getting the exercise, where are their parents?  I hear some parents talking about how they can't wait to get their little kids outside because they want the time to themselves. These are the parents who will act like the big and mighty protective parents when something bad happens, God forbid.  Honestly, I don't mean to criticise any parents, but when I see this and hear parents talking about this, I do go off.  And I have gone off on parents who have said they let their 4 and 5 year olds outside alone in a busy urban area.  It angers me.

What do you think about this topic?  What do you think about the parents who distract their children with video games and electronic toys so they can do what they'd like to do?

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Before I was a mom...

Before I was a mom I was very irresponsible and selfish.  My own mother and I never got along, and I now realize that was because I was a disrespectful little bitch person as a teenager.  I wanted what I wanted and if I didn't get it...watch out! I never understood why she was so overprotective of me and swore that she was just doing it because she hated me.  I felt uncool and actually was uncool.  I never fit in anywhere or with anyone, but I tried like hell.  I would have done absolutely anything to try to fit in, and I probably did. 

I would spend money frivolously like I could just pick more off of the big money tree.  I spent on my credit cards like there was an endless flow of money at the other end.  Being at the mall was dangerous for me because I would end up leaving with more than I could actually afford.  Shopping has always been my downfall.....  Just as drugs or alcohol are terrible addictions; mine was shopping.  I never thought of the consequences of my actions and never thought of anyone but myself.  (Ok, maybe sometimes I did...)

Before I was a mom I had a lot of time to perfect my craft.  I was an artist and I would stay up for hours working on one painting.  When I started a painting, getting up to go to the bathroom, get something to eat, getting something to drink, getting up to walk around, those were all things that weren't on my mind.  Once I was in "the zone", unless someone reminded me I should get up and eat or walk around, I wouldn't.  I was a perfectionist and I had to just finish "a little bit more" before I finally got up.  I had a great concentration span and would sit there until the wee hours of the morning to try to finish or perfect my piece.  

Going to the gym was important to me.  I would get up early and get to the gym before I did anything else.  If I couldn't get to the gym, I'd walk around town to get where I had to go.  Well, I also didn't have a car.  On foot was the only way I could have gotten to most places!  I didn't complain about walking and actually loved it.  Exercise made me feel renewed and refreshed.

Before I was a mom I'd lie to my mom continuously.  I would go out with guys and tell her I was elsewhere.  I knew that she would get mad at me or wouldn't let me go if I told her where I was really going.  I never cared that she had no idea where I really was and never answered any of her continuous calls when I wasn't home on time.  I always wondered why she didn't trust me and thought I was doing everything right.

I never realized how incomplete my life was before I was a mom.  I thought I could do anything and I probably could have.  I thought everything was perfect when I was going out with friends and guys, disrespecting my mom, lying to her and talking about her behind her back.  I thought shopping WAS my life and thought spending money was something everyone did the same way that I did.  I was completely wrong.

It's amazing how having a baby can change your life in an instant.  The second I found out I was pregnant with DD1, it was like a polar opposite within a few minutes.  I instantly felt this responsibility and love for someone other than myself.  I felt this immense maturity come over me and realized that my life was now for someone else.  It's so true... I live for my children.  They are my reason for life.  I will do anything for them, and I do.  

Shopping is so different now.  Of course, I do buy things for myself, and I am still a shopping addict, except I'm a shopping addict for my children and I do make wiser choices. (Though difficult!)  I would rather buy something for my girls than for myself.  If it's a choice between the both, I would always put mine back and choose theirs.  That is something that I never thought I would do, if you had asked me as a teenager.

Being a mom changes everything and it changes everything for the better.  All of the good times outweigh the struggles and complications.  Once you see your kids' smiles, it's all worth it. :) 

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Exhaustion and Motherhood go hand in hand.

I remember the days in High School and College where I could stay up for hours on end.  I was able to get home at 3pm from school, stay up until 3 or 4 am, wake back up at 7 am and start the same thing all over the next day.  How I used to do that?  I'm going to feel old saying this, but I guess it was youth and the ease of not having responsibility.  It was easy for me to concentrate on school with very little sleep.  I felt like I could do anything while running on those 2 or 3 hours.  Oh, to be young younger again.  (And I'm not even old! I'm 25!)

This should actually go with the post that I wrote yesterday about things I wish I knew before motherhood because it's true!  I had absolutely no idea how physically and mentally draining it is to be a mom.  There are days where I feel absolutely drained by 5 or 6 pm.  Exhaustion to the point of not being able to move, not being able to think, migraine headache, the feeling that you can't keep your eyes open.  Complete and utter exhaustion.  Of course, moms don't get a break.  We have to get past the feeling of absolute exhaustion somehow -- And we always do come up with new and creative ways.  (Short of popping a NoDoz, 5 Hour Energy shot or running to Starbucks for that latte with as many espresso shots as humanly possible; none of which I have done.)  

Why do I feel so tired?  Even I am still trying to figure that out.  I don't work outside the house a regular job, I work sporadically for different companies on an as needed basis.  I've put my business on hold because of how hectic it is around here, so basically all I do is errands, cooking, cleaning and handling the kids.  I guess that is enough to completely tire you out.  After all, being a mom IS a full time job unto itself.  

Sleep is so important for moms.  I have heard from various places that lack of sleep and exhaustion causes depression or continues to worsen post partum depression.  I believe it and I feel it.  They suggest a mom get a full 12 hour night of uninterrupted sleep, but that's absolutely impossible.  How can any mom get a full night of sleep with young kids in the house?  It's always something!!  I'm lucky that my girls sleep well, once they go to sleep, but there are nights where they wake up in the middle of the night for one reason or another.  That's my mission for one night this year -- get 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. (Making a mental note.)  Let's see if that actually happens. 

As I said yesterday, I love being a mom and love the journey.  I just wish that some days it were easier.  One day I'm sure I will wake up and see a change.  Maybe my kids will have some divine intervention to calm them down and make them listen to me. (HA!!)  Maybe I'll just magically have more energy to get through every day.  Until that day, I have to keep on coming up with creative ideas to help me gain more energy.  (Red Bull, here I come!!)  

Does anyone else feel exhaustion to the point of not being able to move or being physically achy?

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What I didn't realize or expect...

Two wonderful bloggers "O My Family" and "Heir to Blair" also blogged about this.  Reading about their feelings made me feel that I shouldn't be ashamed of how I feel at times.  Motherhood is hard, much harder than I had ever realized.  I never thought being a mom was easy, but I definitely wasn't ready for the huge challenge that was ahead of me.

In 2005 after Alayna was born,  I had a lot of post partum depression.  At that point in time, I don't know if I knew it was exactly that or if I was just in denial about it.  Let's face it, I had a lot going on at that point in time.  I was dealing with the horrible break up from my ex-fiance/Alayna's dad.  That was absolutely terrible because of the shock of it all.  We were in love, we were happy, we were both excited and planning on moving in together...  I got a call from my birth mother when I was 6 months pregnant, telling me that she had seen my ex-fiance with another girl at a restaurant.  When I confronted him, he broke up with me.  It wasn't at all amicable either.  The break up was such a shock, it was so hard for me to get over it and get over the memories, it was something that actually, in reality, took me 3 years to finally get over.  The depression got so bad while I was pregnant, my OB/GYN wanted to put me on anti depressants.  I declined because I didn't want to take anything that could endanger my baby.  I also declined after I had Alayna because I didn't think I would need them.  I told myself that I could overcome whatever lingering depression I had left on my own.  I was so very wrong.  I should have gotten on the anti depressants after birth because by the time I realized the depression was too much to handle on my own, I was too ashamed to ask anyone for help.  I kept it to myself.

As well as the break up, in 2005 my grandmother went into the hospital and had to have part of her foot amputated due to diabetes.  We really didn't think she was going to be able to make it and that really hurt.  That added to my depression.  Even when my grandmother pulled through that with flying colors, the reality that my grandparents were getting old and I wouldn't have too much time left with them really hit me hard.  As I have said before, my grandparents were my best friends. 

This comes as a shock to a lot of people, but a month after Alayna was born, I went to work.  I worked at Bath and Body Works and went back so quickly for two reasons.  #1.  I felt like I needed to get out of the house and felt like I needed to talk amongst adults, socialize and just have my own time.  #2.  I was a single parent and the realization of financial insecurity scared me into working as much as I possibly could.  Do I regret going back to work so early?  Partially...  I feel, looking back, that infanthood goes by so quickly.  Really, it passes within a blink of an eye.  I regret not being able to enjoy Alayna's infanthood as much as I could have had the chance to, but I was doing what I felt I had to do for her.  I was working as much as I could and trying to make a living.  

Post Partum depression made things a lot more difficult for me, and I believe it is still there.  I'm only 25 years old and my kids are my life, don't get me wrong!!  Sometimes I feel like I wish I had more time to spend time with my friends, sometimes I wish I had more time to try to meet someone to make me happy, sometimes I feel like I had more time to myself to just spend time writing, listening to music or playing games.  I know, it probably makes me sound like a terrible parent to wish those things, but that's only a small percentage of my thinking.  

Having both of my kids were unplanned.  (Disclaimer: I wasn't just having sex without thinking about the consequences.  We did take precautions.  Unfortunately, with Olivia, I had been taking medication for something else that counter acted my birth control.  With Alayna, we were just the unlucky 5% that gets pregnant even when all precautions are taken.)  When I found out I was pregnant, I read every parenting book there possibly was.  I wanted to prepare myself for being a parent and I really thought that by reading all of those books, I'd be ready.  Little did I know how difficult it would be.  I never expected parenting to be what it is.

I expected having a little girl to be like having a best friend 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year.  On one hand, it is, but it's not at all was I expecting.  I do consider Alayna and Olivia my best friends and they consider me the same.  Though, there are days where they scream at me, tell me they hate me, are rude to each other.  I know, I know, they're sisters.  Sisters don't ALWAYS get along, but once they start in their little attitudes, it's so hard to snap them out of it.  It's so difficult for me to sit there and try to calmly tell them to stop day after day, hour after hour.  I don't like to raise my voice.  I hate yelling at my girls.  Though sometimes I have to when there is no other option to getting them to stop.

Constantly walking into my living room or their bedroom and seeing toys strewn everywhere, cleaning up all the time, at the second I finish cleaning up, more toys are already out.  It stresses me out beyond belief.  All the while, I know they're kids and know they are going to make messes.  I know they're just playing and I also know I should be a little more strict with them cleaning up their toys.  Sometimes I feel the arguing isn't worth it.  Begging them to clean up their toys 8-10 times a day just isn't worth the exhaustion it takes to constantly ask.  I wish I could walk in a room, ask them to clean it up and a few minutes later walk back into a spotless room.  Though, that's just fantasy.  That doesn't happen in real life.  There is no magic fairy dust you can sprinkle to make kids clean their room.  

The fights to get them into the bath, the fights to get them to brush their teeth, the fights to get them to bed, the fights to get them inside after we have been playing outside, the fights in the middle of Toys R Us when we can't buy a toy that they desperately want...  It all stresses us out and I'm sure a lot of us wish there were magic words we could say to make things all better and to make them behave.  

Motherhood is an extremely amazing experience and journey, it really is.  Though there are those times where we just wish things could be different.  When we just want those quiet times to ourselves, where we wish we were more prepared about the obstacles of the journey ahead of us.

I know it will just get more challenging as they grow up, and I know that I will grow up more as well and hopefully, as I grow, I will be more prepared for the long ride ahead of me.  

My girls are my life and they mean the world to me.  As I always say; "If your kids sometimes hate you, you're doing something right."

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