Adoption is Another Word for Love - My Siblings and I

Prompt courtesy of Mama Kat's Writing Workshop

Share a story about a sibling that still makes you smile.

 I was adopted when I was a month old and I grew up as an only child.  People ask me if I remember when my mom told me I was adopted -- I don't.  For some reason I can't pinpoint the exact age at which she told me, I just know that I've always known.  My mom was never secretive or closed about my adoption, she always passed along any information that she knew.  I was always allowed to ask questions and as soon as I became a teenager, my mom told me that if I ever wanted to find my biological family she would be in full support of me.

Right before my 18th birthday I became nosy and snuck into my mom's room when she was at work.  I was on a mission to find my adoption papers to see if there was anything she had not told me.  You know, as a teenager you think your parents are always being deceptive.  Well, I found the non identifying information that my mom had and I found out some information that my mom had not shared because I never asked.  Seeing the information right in front of me in black and white gave me this strong desire to find out who I was and where I came from.  

I don't remember how I brought up the topic of wanting to find my biological family, but my mom was in full support of me.  To make a very long and drawn out story short, in June of 2003 I met my biological mother, grandmother, sister, brother and two nieces; it definitely wasn't the fairy-tale reunion that I had always dreamed of, but it was part of who I was.  There was just one thing missing, my biological mother had another daughter two years before me who she also placed for adoption -- the social worker at the adoption agency was having a very hard time finding her.  I felt almost complete, but had to find her as well. 

I was in college when my oldest sister and I decided to hire a private detective who specialized in adoption reunions to find her.  Surprisingly, it took just a day or two for that woman to find her, and she called us with all of her information.  She asked if we wanted her (PI) to contact our sister first, or if we wanted to be the first call.  I'm not sure if my sister or I decided, but we said that we wanted to be the first call to her, I guess because we didn't want her to run away if the PI called her first.  

Sitting in my dorm room, I remember calling her and not knowing what to say.  The first thing I said when she answered the phone was, "I think I'm your sister."  The worst part?  She had no idea that she was adopted.  Her parents never told her, I don't know why they never told her, but I was the one who told her she was adopted.  I felt horrible.  After she talked to her mother about it she called me back and I remember talking to her for hours.  We really got to know each other and found out that we had something else in common -- both of our adopted names were KRISTIN -- spelled the same way. 

Now, 10 years later; Kristin, Shirley and I have a great relationship.  We are definitely making up for the missed time we didn't have each other to depend on.  Kristin and I get together for lunch, dinner, shopping or movies at least once a week (or so) and Shirley and I get together once every two weeks for lunch, since we work near each other.  I never want to take for granted having my siblings in my life because I didn't have them for the longest time.  We now have to catch up on 18 years, and that's hard to do.  My sisters are incredibly important to me and any time I spend with them makes me smile.

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“You can't wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.” ― Jack London

I'm about to share one of my deepest, darkest secrets...Ok, not really but it's a trick I use to post my amazing posts. ;)

Every blogger knows that chronic bloggers block is a horrible illness to come down with.  I don't have it often but there are days where it feels like I stare at the blank computer screen for hours with no ideas.  Rather than me sitting there, frustrated, about to give up and waiting for an idea to smack me in the head, I take a look at some writing and blogging prompts sites that I have bookmarked throughout the past few years.  Something usually jumps out at me as an exciting and great blog post and I usually end up writing on that prompt.  Today was one of those days -- sitting here for 10 minutes, I just knew nothing was going to inspire me because I'm exhausted and have horrible allergies.  I clicked on one of my favorite blogging prompts sites and started reading through some prompts.  One struck me as very funny....

How do you develop your writing/blogging ideas?

Why did that strike me as so funny?  Mostly because I was reading this on a blogging prompts site. lol  Was this person hoping for a shameless plug from someone who chose that prompt?  I mean, if you're looking at a blogging prompts website, apparently you don't have any ideas. (Ok well most some of the time.)

But you know what...I'm going to take that prompt and write about it.  Why?  I'm a rebel!  I like to be different...and strange.  It's just who I am.  

*clears throat*

My writing and blogging ideas come from almost everywhere.  I am an artist and artists just see the world differently.  We think of everything in terms of stories, art, beauty and ideas.  We get inspiration from the most random of places, but at least we get inspiration!  I could see a park and an idea (that has nothing to do with a park, mind you.) will come popping into my head.  Why?  Creative thinking? Creative mind?  I'm not actually sure, but I don't mind it.

I also grab inspiration from things I hear from people, situations I get into with my kids, things my kids say, news stories that I hear, blogs that I read, tweets that pop up on my feed -- my inspiration comes from absolutely anywhere.

Sure, sometimes I have no ideas and get ideas from prompts, but I take those prompts and I really run with them.  Sometimes I may end up off topic or sometimes I may start writing and actually get a completely different idea from the prompt, it just depends.

Either way, I love blogging and love meeting new people.  I have made some wonderful friends while blogging and got to know some great bloggers, I wouldn't change that for anything else. :)

Where do YOU get your inspiration from? If you blog about it, link yourself in my comments or you can just leave a general comment about your inspiration.

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I Love to Dream Big, Can I Make it Happen?

Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet). - Prompt by The Daily Post

All my life I have wanted to own a store.

Not just any store, but a store where I can incorporate little known artists and crafters.  A place where I can bring all of us unknowns together to help grow their success, their brand and their product.  My dream has always been to open a store that is similar to a real-life Etsy, more or less.  I've always had the perfect location picked out, ever since I was a child.  The location is a small triangular building that's on a small median in the middle of a major street in my town.  The building is a very small building and businesses seem to move in and out of there constantly.  I have always felt that would be a perfect location for my shop.  I never thought up a name for it, but I had always wanted to offer art classes, crafting classes, getting local artists together to host seminars and shows, just to let my creativity flow.  

Why have I not gone after my dream yet?

Financial reasons.  I don't have the money nor do I have the credit to lease a corporate building to house my business.  One day, though, I know I'm going to be able to open my shop and when I do, I will be the happiest person on the face of the planet.  I'm very determined and driven to make this dream come true someday, and I know I will.  Art and creativity is a passion of mine and I won't let that passion go.

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The Daily Post: How My Blog Has Changed / Goals for 2013

When you started your blog, did you set any goals? Have you achieved them? Have they changed at all?  - Prompt from The Daily Post

This blog started off in 2007 to be an outlet for my creativity and to promote my Etsy store.  I was partially unemployed, trying to make it on my own and pretty depressed about not having many people to associate with offline.  I felt lonely and wanted to feel like I was contributing something to someone.  Well, as time went on I realized that I really missed blogging -- I love to write about random topics that are important to me or sharing stories about my life and family.  So I decided to move my blog in a different direction and go back to writing about family, mommy situations, topics that are near and dear to my heart, etc...  

I started my blog in this direction because I was trying to find a place where I would belong and for inspiration for my writing.  Being different and having a creative mind, I never really fit in amongst anyone around me.  I thought with the right side of my brain while everyone around me thought with the left side; I look at everything and find beauty and creativity in it...a lot of people don't understand that.  Therefore, I got bullied a lot and got made fun of a lot.  I wanted to be with people who are me, who are also creative and think creatively.  

My main goal, once I turned this into a personal (slash) mom blog,  was to connect with other moms and share information and experiences.  I wanted to try to contribute what I knew to others out there.  I've always said, If I can help just one person with my blog, I would feel like I accomplished a hell of a lot. That's actually become my personal motto, one that I keep dear to my heart.  Basically, I wanted to make a difference.  Now, I know I'm not the most popular mom blogger out there, but I feel like I've accomplished that goal.  I've had people comment saying that my post really helped them or that they could relate to me or that I gave someone the strength to go on as a single mom...  I love hearing all of the positive feedback because just as I may have helped them a little, they're helping me keep my motivation and confidence.  

Another goal that I have is to help brands.  I'm very PR Friendly and love to connect with brands to promote them, that's something I am passionate about.  Being a SEO and Social Media coordinator, helping brands and businesses is my passion.  I feel that since I have the skills to help companies get "out there", I should definitely incorporate it into my blog in a different way, and I do.  I've worked with some amazing companies and PR reps and continue to do more in the future.  These are my ultimate goals:

• To completely monetize my blog well enough to have a good second income to put into savings for my girls.
  
• To become an ambassador for a company.
  
• To go on a blogger conference trip to network, learn more and promote my blog.
  
• To continue to grow a readership that actively loves to give me positive feedback but also constructive criticism.

I would love for my blog to become another business for me along with being a hobby and I will actively work towards that goal until it actually happens.  Goals are a part of my life -- I feel like I have to set goals for myself or I could easily get sidetracked, derailed and discouraged.

What are your blogging goals?

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A Good Deed Should Never Go Unrewarded -- My Story About Good Karma

Tell us about the most surprising helping hand you've ever received. - Writing Prompt from The Daily Post

I am a big believer of karma -- do something nice for someone and someone will do something nice for you.  Maybe it was the way I was raised or just something that I acquired over time, but it's something I strongly believe in.  I try to do something nice for someone as often as I possibly can, not just to be rewarded in some way, but because I get a strong sense of pride when I help out.  I do many nice things for people but do not always get something in return, which is fine.  However I do have this story I always like to tell about someone who did something for me that restored my faith that there are nice and helpful people out there.

My friend Carole and I love to go on road trips.  We drive to North Carolina at least once a year, sometimes more often because we love that area and always enjoy our long, but fun, nine hour drives there.  Last year, on the way home, we were crossing into Delaware and were preparing to pay the Delaware Memorial Bridge toll.  As we got into the toll lane and handed the booth attendant our money, she advised us that the car in front of us had already paid for our toll.  My friend and I were in awe and very thankful since we are both on a limited budget and every penny counts.  As much as we tried, we couldn't catch up with the car to thank them, but I do remember tweeting a "Thank You" to the anonymous good Samaritan  even though I have no idea if they use Twitter or ever saw it.  I wish I could have thanked them for being so kind but I was never able to. A few days later when I was at Starbucks, this younger teenager was $1.25 short for her coffee, I gave it to her to help her out.  As they always say, A good deed should not go unrewarded, and because that anonymous person helped us out at the toll booth, I gave back to someone as well.

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Smartphones are making us dumb

This was my first cell phone, sexy right?  

I remember going to the mall with my mom and seeing a Motorola kiosk hidden in a corner of the mall.  I don't remember if I asked my mom for a cell phone or if she thought that I was old enough to have one,  but I remember that I got one that day.  It was a dark blue color  and was on the Siemens network, which is now AT&T.  Man, I thought I was the SHIT with that phone!  I even remember finding (I think my mom did on Ebay?) an 'N Sync "faceplate" for this phone, I really thought I was the coolest thing since sliced bread.    My phone had the ability to call, text and maybe play one game -- it wasn't color and was three times the size of the iPhone.  It was nothing special in today's standards, but back them it was awesome. Now, I wish that I could say my obsession with cell phones and the latest technology never started, but that very old (and very ugly) cell phone was just the start of everything. 

My 7 year old frequently asks me what we did for fun before cell phones, iPads, computers, real video games and electronic toys.  

"We used our imagination and played outside getting exercise." I always tell her. 

Apparently, using your imagination and actually running around with your friends outside is unheard of for 50% of children in this day and age.  That's because we have technology that fries our brains and does all of the thinking for us -- smart phones have literally made this generation dumb.  

I remember when I was 7 (back in 1992) and I had to use my imagination to play outside with my friends with our Barbies.  When our parents wouldn't let us take our Barbies outside, we had to actually come up with games to play that did not include toys.  My kids would be lost if they had to do the same things I did as a kid, it's pretty sad.

Technology and cell phones has definitely changed family life in our home.  When I was a child, our nights used to be filled with doing homework, eating dinner, taking a bath, watching some television as a family with the one TV we had in the living room, my mom would play with me with my dollhouse, puzzle, coloring books, etc... and then we would go to bed, reading a book together.  Now, it seems like everyone is in their own world.  I have my 5 year old on the iPad, my 7 year old on her iPod, my mom watching TV and myself constantly on my cell phone.  Is that what family time has come to now?  No one talking to each other or paying any attention to each other?  Secondly, technology has definitely promoted procrastination especially with my 7 year old.   She brings her iPod to the dinner table, she uses her iPod as an excuse to put off doing homework, she uses her iPod as an excuse to go to bed and I even find her in bed with her iPod at times.  I do admit, I haven't been too tough on her about it; mostly because I feel that I can't tell her not to do it when I do it myself.  

I actually never realized just how much technology has consumed us until recently when I saw, waiting in line, how many people were texting, playing games, on the phone, etc...  Up until that point I never paid too much attention to it, knowing that cell phones were a large part of everyone's lives.  I admit to being on my phone way too much when with friends, I also admit to sitting at a table with one of my best friends -- each of us on our phones, not talking to each other.  Where has actual human face-to-face communication gone?  Out with the times?  (To my friends who know that I am on my phone constantly -- I know, this is hypocritical of me to say.)

My mom brought up a good point the other day...

"Kids don't have to know anything anymore.  Whatever they want to know, they just google."

That's the truth.  My daughter came home the other day saying that she had to Google something she asked in class.  I asked her why she had to Google it and she told me that her teacher told her to Google the answer when she asked the question.  This is a first grade classroom, can't the teacher answer a simple question?  Is Google going to turn into our teachers in the future?  It sure seems like it from what I'm hearing from my daughter and other kids in her class.

While I do need my phone on me most of the time for my business, clients, etc... I do wish that there were times I could get away from my phone.  I actually feel panic and anxiety when I can't find it for 5 minutes or when I accidentally leave it at home when I run out to do errands, it's a very unhealthy fear that I wish I didn't have.  I don't have to keep refreshing my mail, but I do anyway -- what if that client e-mails me back and I don't respond immediately?  I know they're not going to magically disappear, but that fear is in the back of my mind, and it is an irrational fear too!

I just think it's sad and scary how technology has changed our lives and caused so much interruption when we are with others.  The part that is scarier?  It's just going to get worse as technology grows and advances, there's probably no end in sight for our obsessiveness with technology.

Are you addicted to your phone?  Is your family?

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She's like my sister...

I was never the teenager that had a lot of friends.  When I was in high school, my "group" consisted of two people who were completely different than I was and that is it.  Actually, I was the girl who got made fun of.  Oh yeah, bullied beyond belief.  That got so bad that I wouldn't want to go to school.  I wanted to stay home in bed all day and sulk about how terrible I was.  Of course, that was not an option and I had to find comfort somewhere, so I did turn to the internet.

The year was 2001 and I had found a message board for the group 'N Sync, who I was a huge fan of, so I decided to join and see what it was all about.  To make a very long story short, I had met someone who introduced me to a friend of hers... Her friend's name was Lauren.  We started talking and hit it off right away.  About a week later we had spoken on the phone and every day and every night we would talk to each other VIA phone or internet. (or even both at the same time!)  Lauren and I quickly became best friends, the kind of friend that I had never had before this.  She was someone that I could vent to, I could go to for guy advice, someone who was just like me in some ways but completely different too.  Finally, I had someone I could lean on and confide in.  

October of 2001 brought Lauren and myself wanting to get together.  I had been figure skating at that time and decided to ask Lauren to meet me at the skating rink.  The problem was, she had to get her mother to drive her. (Since we were 14 and 15, respectively...)  I had not lied to my mom about the situation, I just withheld the information from her that Lauren was coming.  (Of course, that's not how she recounts it, but it's the truth!)  -- But I digress -- Finally, after my skating session, Lauren got to the rink with her mother and we spent a very long time talking to each other and having just as much fun in person as we did online and on the phone.  Our mothers also had a great conversation and got to know each other better.  

After that Lauren and I saw each other twice a year.  She lived two hours from us, so it was impossible for us to get together more often, but we wanted to.  Once I went to college, since I went to college in Philadelphia, Lauren and I became even closer.  At that point, I lived only 15-20 minutes from her house, so I would go there often.  Honestly, I think I was at her house more than I was in my dorm room.  Her mother quickly became more like a mother to me than I realized in the years prior.  

I owe a hell of a lot to Lauren.  She is someone who can drive me crazy but keep me sane at the same time.  She is someone who I look up to, even though she's younger than me.  She's someone who I can call with the stupidest problem, and she will make me laugh.  She is someone that even though we don't talk too much anymore, once we do call each other, it's like we never stopped talking.  She is someone that taught me the real meaning of friendship, and was it means to have someone that knows you better than you know yourself. And she definitely does.  She is more like my sister than my own sister is and we will always be best friends.  

Thank you Laur, for 11 years of EVERYTHING!!

(Inspired by Mama Kat's prompt - That one time you met your online friend in real life (was it everything you thought it would be?)

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