When it Rains, it Pours...

 

Sometimes I don't know why things happen the way they happen.

 

We moved out of my childhood home in August due to a reverse mortgage (that turned into a foreclosure) that my grandparents left us when they passed away.  Our moving was a few months earlier than we really had to move, but we found the perfect one family home and didn't want to miss the opportunity to live there.  My mom lived at that house all her life, so there was 28 years of my life there and 61 years of her life there.  Needless to say, some things were left in the house when we moved and we were periodically going back and forth to move more and clean some things out.

 

Tuesday I went to the house to check the mail and to grab a new bottle of floor cleaner and was met with a mess. A flood.

 

Water everywhere; the entire second floor was flooded.  Boxes that we were packing and items water damaged, gone.  A pipe had burst in our extremely cold weather and water was spurting everywhere like an open hydrant.

 

I walked down to the first floor only to find more of a mess.  The ceiling in my old bedroom was on the floor, my old ceiling fan was hanging by two wires.  Thank God the electricity was turned off back in August because our outlets near the floor board would have ignited an electrical fire if the water had gotten into a live outlet. 

 

What a mess.  It was the most depressing site, seeing your childhood home completely flooded and ruined.  I cried, my mom cried, the girls cried.  Mostly, my crying was about family memories that were gone forever.  Family videos got flooded, family pictures were water damaged, so much was lost.

 

I made it down to the basement to turn off our main water line but it must have been flooding for a day by that point because there was ankle deep water everywhere in the house.  My art studio in the basement, however, was somehow spared.  I don't know how, but someone must have been watching over that room and all of my hard work inside of it because it wasn't flooded or touched by the water at all.  I can only believe that was a miracle, seeing how every other room was a watery mess.

 

Today we went back to save what we could and told the bank that we are finally leaving that house and not going back.  Everything we left in the house is now their possession and they can do whatever they would like with it.  We saved what memories we could and brought them to our new house.  They told us that due to the extent of the flooding the house is going to have to be condemned and demolished.  Our old house was over 100 years old and it was a wood framed house, which is now compromised because of the water seeping between the floorboards and inside the walls.

 

It's a sad thought to know that the house I first lived at, grew up in, where my kids were born and where my grandparents died is going to be completely gone in a few months.  The place where all of our memories are will be gone forever, but we will still have all of those memories to hold on to. 

 

At least this happened after we already moved and not while we were still living there.  That's the only good I can find in this heartache. 

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Taking back control

When I lost my job with Bluefly.com I really just resigned from caring about anything.  I loved that job and it was really my livelihood... I felt like nothing would fall into place ever again, but it is.  I decided to keep my job at Old Navy, for now, but work on my jewelry and work on my blog as well.  I've had KRumian LLC up since the mid summer but have yet to promote it or do much of anything with it.  Now, I know I have the skills to make a decent living from home while working with bloggers and companies, but I haven't had the time to promote it and get my business seen.  That's going to change.  I'm going to start back everything that I have put to the side so I am able to be happy and make a living for my family at the same time.

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It sucks to be head of household.

Every year on my taxes, I file head of household.  Why?  Because basically, I am.  My mom is unemployed because she cannot work.  She has had an injured knee for years and since she is unemployed and has no income, she doesn't have insurance to get the surgery that she needs.  While I am trying to see if I can add her to my benefits for health insurance at my job, we have to wait to see if that can be done.  So for now, she watches my girls when I am at work and I give her what I can for babysitting my two maniacs kids.  I know that what I give her per week isn't a lot, but it is enough to get her through what she currently needs.  I know that she wants to get a job to help out.  I also feel that once she gets her knee surgery and can stand and walk again, she definitely will try to get something little to bring more money into the house.  My mom has always worked and I know she feels helpless when she can't do much.

It's so hard, being a 25 (and 3\4!) year old single mom who is also supporting her mother and everything in the house.  Especially since I am one that works two jobs and tries to hold down the home as well.  My jobs aren't high paying jobs, they're retail and reception.  While I do get paid more than other employees because of my experience and work ethic, it's still difficult to work all I have to work to get the money we need to keep the house going.  Now that I do have two jobs, I am trying to save money per paycheck in a savings account and emergency fund.  We have to get back on our feet, and we will.  I feel so useless, sometimes, that we live paycheck to paycheck, but that's all that can be done right now.  In the future, I hope to get a job that pays more so we can be comfortable and not apprehensive, but at least we are no longer worrying about where our next meal will come from.  (A few years ago, that was actually one of our concerns.)

This is why I clip and search for coupons, this is why I have put so much time into studying the right way to use and stack coupons and this is why I try to save all I can where I can.  It's a really great feeling to get a $100 grocery bill for $40 or even sometimes less.  This is why I go to many different stores and not just one grocery store, but this is also why I am stressed.  Sometimes it feels like I am running errands all day and have no break time.  I also wish that my mom would appreciate me more for all that I do.

My mom is a great person, she really is.  I love her for so many reasons and appreciate her for adopting me and giving me the life that I wouldn't have had otherwise.  She supported me for so many years, even working two jobs at one point so I could have what I wanted.  I love my mom and I know that I am giving back to her by supporting her right now.  Sometimes, though, I feel like I am underappreciated and not giving the credit that I am due.  There are times that she yells at me for being out going to different stores, but how else would we get the good deals that we are?  There are even times she yells at me for being exhausted and wanting to take a nap.  I work two jobs that are very difficult and stressful.  On top of that, cleaning the house as much as I have to, making dinner, figuring out what to make for dinner, and all the other mommy-hood duties -- at the end of the day I am asleep standing up.  Sometimes I just wish she would understand and thank me for all I do.  She does occasionally, but the days that she disrespects me and tells me I am lazy, it hurts. 

I shouldn't be complaining about this and I should be lucky that I have a mother who cares and watches my kids, that I have a place to live and that I have a job to support my family and put food on the table.  I just needed to get this off my chest.  This is why I love blogging, I can rant and rave and maybe one or two people who read this would relate.

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Chasing Bugs and Teacher Meetings

I admire any mother who can actually be energetic and make use of all of the hours in a day.  God knows, I do try my best to but I can't.  It's impossible for me to do anything that I have to do when I work 9-12 hours and then have to clean after the messes the kids made while I was working, make dinner and hope that my kids decide to go to bed on time.  It's absolutely impossible.  There are times when I feel like I need a week vacation, I dream of going somewhere remote and warm and peaceful -- then I snap back into reality and realize that I am a single mom of my two little terrors.  I don't have time for vacations!  The most time that I do have for myself is when I'm working.  Other than that, maybe once a week I go out with my friend for dinner or to just unwind.  

Honestly, I think I figured that when I started working from home I wouldn't be so exhausted.  That was the wrong thing to think.  Even though I am sitting on my butt all day and working on my computer, I'm absolutely exhausted.  Even more tired than I was when I worked outside the home.  I'm not sure if it is because I know I can be lazy and I'm aware that my bed is just a few steps away or if using my brain is making me so exhausted. (Ha!  Everyone that knows me knows that my brain is hardly ever used otherwise...)  There are days, hours or moments where I can barely keep my eyes open.  There are times when I feel so sick and it's all due to the extreme exhaustion.  I could only pray for a good night of sleep, that's impossible as well.  Once I finally am able to go to sleep -- my insomnia kicks in and I just can't shut off to go to sleep.  Irony...

Today was another one of those busy days.  Had to get Alayna to school, get back in time for work, go to pick her up from school on my lunch break, had to pick up lunch on the way home and then get back to work.  Not only that, but I also had to take some time this afternoon to go to Alayna's parent-teacher conference.   Since she is in Pre-K they don't give report cards, but they do give verbal progress reports.  I wasn't surprised to hear that Alayna is beyond Pre-K knowledge.  I knew this last year when I felt she should have been in school.  Her teacher is in disbelief that she can copy a sentence that her teacher writes, she's in awe that Alayna's art talent is as good as it is and she cannot believe that Alayna has so much knowledge in her little head.  She had told me that Alayna answers almost all of the questions that her teacher asks.  Needless to say, I was a very proud mommy.  I'm not exactly sure where my daughter gets her brains from...sure as hell not me!

Afterwards, while eating dinner, we had a riot in our kitchen -- there as a bug on the ceiling.  It wasn't just a fly, it was the ugliest S.O.B that you had EVER seen.  This thing was huge and gave us all the creeps.  Of course, my girls couldn't calmly leave the room, they had to run screaming into the living room.  As if the bug was going to attack them.  They're a hundred times bigger than it.  I am much more bave! (Or so I thought.)  My mom and uncle are sitting there laughing as I go into the hallway to get our swiffer.  By the time I got back in the kitchen, the bug was no longer on the ceiling and I couldn't find it.  So, I had the stupid thought to stand on the chair and maybe take a look on top of our ceiling fan.  Maybe he climbed up there...  I get on the chair and turn my head and...

I'm face to buggy eye face with that little ugly mofo bug...

So of course, being the brave super mom I am, I jump off the chair, throw the swiffer at my mom and run screaming to the other side of the room.  Oh yes I did.  When it comes to big ugly bugs, I'm not brave.  I hate them.  They make me itchy just looking at them. (Or just thinking about them.  I'm itching right now.)

To make a long story short, we got the bug...and his brother who came to look for him after we killed the first one...  Disgusting, ew, i.... hate.... bugs....

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Thursday Questions & a rant.

Don't forget about our Little Tikes Giveaway! We only have one entry, which doesn't make it much of a competition.  Come on guys, don't you want a free play set for your kids?


3x Thursday

1. Name one person (it can be anyone) who used to be in your life before, but now isn’t (due to death), and why you miss that person. My dad died when I was 3 years old and I really do miss him at times.  Granted, I don't remember him at all.  I was 3... I just remember what I saw in home videos that we watched religiously.  My mom was determined to never let me forget him, so we watched home movies almost weekly. :) I really do wish that I had the chance to know him.  I'd want to know what he would be like when I got older,  I'd want to know if he is proud of me, I'd want my kids to know him.  I know we can't change the past, but we can wonder about what could have been.

2. People come and go from our lives all of the time. Is there one person you particularly miss the most? If so, why? If not, are you just a loner? I miss a lot of people who have been in my life.  I miss friends that have come and gone and I do sometimes miss relationships I have been in.  Particularly, there isn't anyone I miss the most.  If a friend has left my life for a particular reason, that was meant to be and they probably weren't a real friend anyway.  My real friends are those that have stayed with me throughout anything and who are by my side today.

3. There are some people in our lives that we can re-reach out to and reconnect with. Is there anyone you’d like for that to happen with? Who? Why? There are a few.  Mostly because I feel like I can explain a lot to those people.  There were some friends I had lost when I just became depressed and withdrew.  As I said before, they weren't really real friends if they left because of that reason.  I have a handful of friends who have stayed with me.  They're the people who are really my friends.  However, I would like to explain a lot to those who have left.

What a day this was!  We're completely moving things around so I had to run out to Radio Shack this morning to get a coaxle cable extender for the satellite.  The living room looks great!  If you go further to the dining room, my room, the girls room and the kitchen, not so much.  We're trying to make the house more livable...If we even stay here.  We have no idea what our moving arrangements (or lack there of?) are at this point.  We're being prepared for every scenario.  

My uncle and I moved a large wardrobe/dresser combo from my room.  It was broken, the drawers were cracked and falling out the bottom. It was really useless and just a receptacle for junk to be thrown in the remaining drawers/cabinets.  It wasn't worth keeping that bulky piece of junk in my room!  Taking that cabinet down the stairs and outside was the most hilarious thing I think I have experienced with my family in a while.  We had no idea how to get it down the stairs.  We were going to actually try to fix it until 2 legs broke while we were moving it.  After that, we just ended up trying to slide the damn thing down the stairs.  We got it down, but the remaining 2 legs broke. LOL  We had a lot of laughs.

We did move a new dresser into my room.  Actually, it was the dresser I painted for Alayna's room before we moved the first time.  I had upcycled a dresser that a family friend had given to us when they were moving.  I painted the drawers different colors and painted a fairy mural on the side cabinet.  It's actually a beautiful piece.  I'll have to take a picture of it.  I'll probably re-paint it to match my room.  It fits perfectly and looks great. :)  There wasn't as much room as the piece of junk wardrobe had, but it will do.  

I do have a complaint about PayPal.  I have had my business account for 3 years.  I've had various amounts debited into the account for my business and also for some jobs I had that paid through PayPal.  They know that too!  Today, when trying to use it and finding it was declined, I got on my account and saw the LIMITED IT.  They limited it due to "suspicious activity".  What?!  This morning I had transferred $102.10 into my business account (from my personal account) because a family member had purchased a custom necklace from me.  I do have two debit cards for both accounts, but I'm trying to get current on some bills and wanted it all in one account for now.  I don't see how transferring $102.10 would trigger any "suspicious activity".  I've done it before!  So,  I had to go through scanning my SS card, drivers license, proof of address, explaining the transfer ETC... I have to call them tomorrow to figure out what the hell happened and get my account back working.  It is so frustrating.  It seems like there is always some problem with PayPal. Unfortunately, it's the only means of payment for my business at this point, so I'm stuck.  I just hope they can work this out tomorrow since I have scanned them all they're asking for! The frustration!

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