Toothpicks, meet eyes...

I wish giving birth to a baby came with an owners manual.  Honestly, I can use one.  Motherhood had no warning: May cause extreme exhaustion after the first cutesy year of their lives. Nope, nada, none what so ever.  Although I should have known the exhaustion and frustration that motherhood sometimes causes, I didn't think of it until it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Both of my girls were perfect for the first year of their lives, actually, Alayna never hit the terrible twos until she was almost three...  She's now five and they're not gone yet.  Worst part is, her hyperactivity sometimes eggs Olivia on and makes her run around like a crazy person as well.  

When you become a mother all of your perfectionism and cleanliness goes out the window.  You may try to keep up after the kids and pick up every time they take things out and don't put them away, but it's impossible. As much as you may not believe it, you will probably end up standing in piles of toys up to your knees and completely ignoring it.  I've gotten used to wading through toys to get through to my living room or their bedroom.  It's now a part of life!  I used to be ashamed to admit, there are nights where I go to bed leaving the mess as it is.  Those are the nights I have no energy nor do I have the concern for what my home looks like.  I just want to get the hell to bed and try to get some sleep!  I figure that I will pick it up in the morning, or anytime that I have the energy to.  No one drops by my house unannounced, why should it always be clean?  

Working practically two jobs and being a single mom is even more difficult.  That's my life.  I have a full time 40 hour a week job in which I work from home.  I lock myself in a tiny room with a desk and computer for 9-12 hours a day and help other people via phones and web.  How can it be exhausting? I don't leave the house!  Well, it is.  sitting in one place and staring at a computer screen for hours is mundane and exhausting.  Even though I love my job so much, there are days that I have to fight to keep my eyes open.  There are days when I find myself getting extremely tongue tied on the phones because I can't even think straight.  Those days are the worst, they drag along.  No amount of coffee or espresso or any energy drinks can make that exhaustion go away; not even temporarily...  

Then, I have my freelancing job.  I am a freelance writer and most of that work gets pushed to the back if I'm too exhausted to stand or move at the end of the day.  Otherwise, I am usually up until 2-4 am trying to meet my deadlines and writing articles over and over until they're perfect.  If I can sleep, I get to bed at 3 or 5 am and have to be up again by 7...  (Unless it's a lucky day when my mom decides to bring Alayna to school.)  I just start the entire day all over again and hope that maybe I'll have time to take a shower, shave my legs or just breathe that day.

Being a mother is an exhausting job, but it's also very rewarding.  I love my girls and would do anything for them, and that is why I work two jobs besides my blogging.  Because I want the best for them and I know that working is the way to provide for them.  I'm not at all complaining about my jobs, I love them and feel lucky to have jobs that I enjoy... I'm complaining about the lack of sleep and "mother's burn out" that I experience almost daily.  

(Inspired by Mama Kat's prompt: Why are you burned out?)

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Exhaustion and Motherhood go hand in hand.

I remember the days in High School and College where I could stay up for hours on end.  I was able to get home at 3pm from school, stay up until 3 or 4 am, wake back up at 7 am and start the same thing all over the next day.  How I used to do that?  I'm going to feel old saying this, but I guess it was youth and the ease of not having responsibility.  It was easy for me to concentrate on school with very little sleep.  I felt like I could do anything while running on those 2 or 3 hours.  Oh, to be young younger again.  (And I'm not even old! I'm 25!)

This should actually go with the post that I wrote yesterday about things I wish I knew before motherhood because it's true!  I had absolutely no idea how physically and mentally draining it is to be a mom.  There are days where I feel absolutely drained by 5 or 6 pm.  Exhaustion to the point of not being able to move, not being able to think, migraine headache, the feeling that you can't keep your eyes open.  Complete and utter exhaustion.  Of course, moms don't get a break.  We have to get past the feeling of absolute exhaustion somehow -- And we always do come up with new and creative ways.  (Short of popping a NoDoz, 5 Hour Energy shot or running to Starbucks for that latte with as many espresso shots as humanly possible; none of which I have done.)  

Why do I feel so tired?  Even I am still trying to figure that out.  I don't work outside the house a regular job, I work sporadically for different companies on an as needed basis.  I've put my business on hold because of how hectic it is around here, so basically all I do is errands, cooking, cleaning and handling the kids.  I guess that is enough to completely tire you out.  After all, being a mom IS a full time job unto itself.  

Sleep is so important for moms.  I have heard from various places that lack of sleep and exhaustion causes depression or continues to worsen post partum depression.  I believe it and I feel it.  They suggest a mom get a full 12 hour night of uninterrupted sleep, but that's absolutely impossible.  How can any mom get a full night of sleep with young kids in the house?  It's always something!!  I'm lucky that my girls sleep well, once they go to sleep, but there are nights where they wake up in the middle of the night for one reason or another.  That's my mission for one night this year -- get 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. (Making a mental note.)  Let's see if that actually happens. 

As I said yesterday, I love being a mom and love the journey.  I just wish that some days it were easier.  One day I'm sure I will wake up and see a change.  Maybe my kids will have some divine intervention to calm them down and make them listen to me. (HA!!)  Maybe I'll just magically have more energy to get through every day.  Until that day, I have to keep on coming up with creative ideas to help me gain more energy.  (Red Bull, here I come!!)  

Does anyone else feel exhaustion to the point of not being able to move or being physically achy?

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