What is Life Like as a Single Working Mom?

Yep.  I'm a single mom with two jobs and I'm damn proud of it.  I work hard to support my family and make up for only one income coming into the house; so I decided to work two jobs.  It's hard as hell and I never feel like I'm getting enough sleep, but that's what being a mom is all about.  Sacrificing for your children.  So this is just some facts about just what being a single working mother is like. :) 

» Getting to bed at or after midnight just because you have to make the living room look presentable once the kids finally get to bed.  You don't want to walk down the stairs at night only to step on a lego or trip over the Doc McStuffins house in the middle of your floor.

» Hitting the snooze button too many times and then realizing it's almost 8 am...The exact time the kids need to be out the door and you need to leave for work.

» Going two or three days between showers is the norm for you.  After all, as long as you slap on some deodorant, body spray and your hair isn't greasy; who will know!  Isn't that what dry shampoo is for?

» You know, the messy bun and ponytail are staple hairstyles for you.

» Makeup? Is it a special occasion?  You have absolutely no time to throw on any makeup before work in the morning.  Unless, of course, it's one of those rare days when you wake up early. (HA! HA! Wait, those days exist?)

» Practically throwing pushing your kids out of the car in front of school in order to get to work on time. KthanksLoveuBye

» Finding random crayons, legos, or Sofia the First toys in your purse...and not understanding how they got there,

» Seeing your school's phone number on the caller ID and praying that one of the kids doesn't have to come home.  Only because the nurse gets pissed off when you tell her that it takes you an hour to get back home.  And no, your 91 year old grandmother can't walk over to the school to pick her up...not unless it was a dire emergency!

» Giving up food at lunch time so you are able to fit in some errands in order to get some shopping done alone.  It's so much more peaceful, even if you are strapped for time.

» Having to take off a whole day for school activities, dance competitions or doctors appointments.

» Hoping that your mom remembers to pick the kids up from school.  

» Trying to explain that you can't attend a parent-teacher conference mid day.  I work during the day to support my family, sorry that you don't want to stay after school.  

» What's for dinner on a busy night when you've worked late?  McDonalds of course!  You don't want McDonalds?  Okay then -- Pizza!  No, I don't feel guilty.

» Not being able to enjoy a weekend when the kids are at their father's because I'm too exhausted from the whole week before to do anything fun.

» Feeling guilty that you have to miss so much of their lives in order to work.  Though you know they're in good hands with Grandma and can't wait to see you when you get home from work.

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When Mom's Text...

I got my mom a smart phone last year because I was tired of her calling me 40 times a day to ask random, stupid, little questions.  I taught her to text those random, stupid, little questions to me so my phone wouldn't be ringing off the hook for a simple, "Where is the milk?" 

Now she texts me a trillion and one times a day, but that's okay because at least I can silence and ignore those.  Sometimes her texts really amuse me and I get a great laugh out of them.  My mom, self admittedly, has fat fingers and blames this (and Siri/Voice Text) on every stupid message she sends me.  I thought I would share some of the funniest and craziest with you!

Exhibit 1. 

Of course mom.  Whatever you just said to me, I completely agree. 

Exhibit 2. 

Oh yeah, you know it mom.  I wish I was there with your crazy brain dumps via text that make absolutely no sense.  Maybe it's a rousing game of Pick the one that doesn't belong.  LIQUID PLUMBER!

Exhibit 3. 

Nothing beats a blurry picture of your child! I'm going to print that and frame right now!

Exhibit 4. 

The nonsense texts must be contagious because my children now aren't making sense! And you know you can't live without the every-emoji-in-the-book text.

Exhibit 5. 

Sure your pocket typed that while you were walking up the stairs.  So this is what happens when I'm at work? #horrified

Exhibit 6. 

I really have no idea what she's talking about here.  Firstly, I don't know anyone named Michael but I was shopping at Michaels (the store) when she texted me this... Secondly, "rose my breakfast"... I can't even half interpret that.  Good job, mom!

Exhibit 7. 

Last but not least, you can't forget about the every-emoji-in-the-book text, once again.  This one seems to be popular.

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What Not to Do (in the Morning) Before I've Had Coffee

As I am sure many moms can sympathize, I need my coffee in the morning before I can fully function and my kids do understand that.  However, there are occasions where that slips their mind and mommy ends up not so happy.  So here is a list of what not to do before my first cup of coffee.

♥ Do not come down the stairs arguing about stupid shit.  I don't want to hear that your sister stole your shirt, your stuffed animal, your shoes or that she threw your toothbrush in the toilet just because she could. Not only is it too early to listen to arguments about that but I can't even fathom handling a situation like that before I am fully caffeinated.

♥ Do not ask me Math, English or Science questions.  You will not get an answer.  In fact, it's not even a guarantee that I will be speaking proper English before I've had coffee.  My brain can't comprehend putting words together to form a correct sentence let alone answer homework questions that I wouldn't understand anyway.  To avoid me wanting to chuck your entire backpack out the kitchen window, refrain from asking me these questions...ever.  (Not even when I have had coffee.)

♥ Do not try to plan my day.  My day is already planned and jam packed after I've had my coffee and after you go to school.  Do not ask me if you can go to Toys r Us after school, there's no friggin reason for it.  Oh? You have no toys to play with? Go tell that to your million-and-one toys upstairs in your room.  Do not ask me if you can have McDonalds for dinner when we have a refrigerator full of food.  You don't like what I'm making for dinner? Oh well.  When I was a kid I had no choice, neither do you!  The only thing I might agree to is a question pertaining to you going over a friends house after school...then I might actually have some peace and quiet. Thankyouverymuch.

♥ Do not ask me for lunch money.   You get free lunch at school and they no longer sell snacks.  So why do you need lunch money?  I know you're stashing that money in your wallet for a future shopping trip. No, I'm not psychic, I used to do the same exact thing to my mom.  You live and you learn!

♥ Do not pretend to be sick and ask to stay home. Once again, this is something I learned from experience.  I was the queen of excuses to stay home from school; don't do as I've done!  If you were perfectly fine this morning, fighting with your sister, watching your completely annoying shows and suddenly act like you're on your deathbed, don't even try it.  I know the second I agree that you can stay home you'll be bouncing off the walls again.  Once I have my coffee then you may act like you're dying.  We'll analyze the situation and see if it warrants you staying home (maybe I would even be nice and let you have a mental health day) but do not do this before my coffee  I definitely wouldn't be nice!

♥ Do not ask if you can have a bacon and eggs with waffles breakfast. #1 - I am not Ihop, I do not take orders for breakfast and #2 - If you wake up at 7:30 and we have to be dressed and out the door by 8:15 you're lucky if you have time for breakfast!  

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You Know You're a Single Mom When...

When I saw Mama Kat's writing prompt this week about..."You Know You're A Mom When"... I knew I had to use it.  I constantly make my own lists for this and I would love to share them!  I altered it to be, "You Know You're a Single Mom When", because I'm a single mom and have that experience to share.  :)  If you have any ideas for any other ones, please post them in the comments! 

10. When you feel accomplished when you actually have taken a shower, brushed your teeth and shaved your legs all in one session.  This is a rare occurrence, maybe once a week if you're a lucky single mom!  When I accomplish all of this while taking a shower without any little visitors calling me "mom", I feel like I deserve a medal for that feat.

9. When "it's at his/her dads house" is an automatic response.  You have no idea how many times we leave something at daddys house.  I would love to blame it on someone else, but I should remember what my kids left with too.  #mommybrain ;)

8. When you can go for days without washing your hair, doing your makeup or dressing in anything other than sweatpants and a t shirt. And why would you want to?  The kids aren't going to judge you!  There's no dress code for dropping the kids off or picking them up, so why get all dolled up?  Save that for the rare girls night out or date!  (HA! What are those?)

7. You turn into the worlds best handy woman.  Fixing the overflowing toilet, fixing the leak in your sink, climbing to change light bulbs, assembling furniture and landscaping has become second nature to you.

6. Sleep is a hobby that you wish you had more time for. If you can even remember what sleep is!

5. You've become a pro at asking for favors. You get used to bribing neighbors, friends or family members to babysit, it's become second nature to you!  Even if it's for 10 minutes to take a short child-less run to Target.

4. Mothers Day is a huge celebration and Fathers Day is just another day!

3. You're used to piling the kids into the car to run and get the bread you forgot the day before. (And getting home and finding random things in your bags that you did not remember purchasing.  Why do these random items jump in the cart and why are they always things the kids would want?  Damn lollipops with legs.)

2. When your kids are at their fathers house and you make a to do list only to realize there aren't enough hours in the day! I make a to-do list, take a significantly long and much needed nap and when I wake up I realize I cant finish my other tasks.  Oh well, sleep was the most important any way...check!

1. When you have to ask another family member to take your child to a father/daughter dance. This one actually breaks my heart because I've had to do this in the past, but it's how you know you're a single mom.  Every aspect of parenting has it's down side..

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Chasing Bugs and Teacher Meetings

I admire any mother who can actually be energetic and make use of all of the hours in a day.  God knows, I do try my best to but I can't.  It's impossible for me to do anything that I have to do when I work 9-12 hours and then have to clean after the messes the kids made while I was working, make dinner and hope that my kids decide to go to bed on time.  It's absolutely impossible.  There are times when I feel like I need a week vacation, I dream of going somewhere remote and warm and peaceful -- then I snap back into reality and realize that I am a single mom of my two little terrors.  I don't have time for vacations!  The most time that I do have for myself is when I'm working.  Other than that, maybe once a week I go out with my friend for dinner or to just unwind.  

Honestly, I think I figured that when I started working from home I wouldn't be so exhausted.  That was the wrong thing to think.  Even though I am sitting on my butt all day and working on my computer, I'm absolutely exhausted.  Even more tired than I was when I worked outside the home.  I'm not sure if it is because I know I can be lazy and I'm aware that my bed is just a few steps away or if using my brain is making me so exhausted. (Ha!  Everyone that knows me knows that my brain is hardly ever used otherwise...)  There are days, hours or moments where I can barely keep my eyes open.  There are times when I feel so sick and it's all due to the extreme exhaustion.  I could only pray for a good night of sleep, that's impossible as well.  Once I finally am able to go to sleep -- my insomnia kicks in and I just can't shut off to go to sleep.  Irony...

Today was another one of those busy days.  Had to get Alayna to school, get back in time for work, go to pick her up from school on my lunch break, had to pick up lunch on the way home and then get back to work.  Not only that, but I also had to take some time this afternoon to go to Alayna's parent-teacher conference.   Since she is in Pre-K they don't give report cards, but they do give verbal progress reports.  I wasn't surprised to hear that Alayna is beyond Pre-K knowledge.  I knew this last year when I felt she should have been in school.  Her teacher is in disbelief that she can copy a sentence that her teacher writes, she's in awe that Alayna's art talent is as good as it is and she cannot believe that Alayna has so much knowledge in her little head.  She had told me that Alayna answers almost all of the questions that her teacher asks.  Needless to say, I was a very proud mommy.  I'm not exactly sure where my daughter gets her brains from...sure as hell not me!

Afterwards, while eating dinner, we had a riot in our kitchen -- there as a bug on the ceiling.  It wasn't just a fly, it was the ugliest S.O.B that you had EVER seen.  This thing was huge and gave us all the creeps.  Of course, my girls couldn't calmly leave the room, they had to run screaming into the living room.  As if the bug was going to attack them.  They're a hundred times bigger than it.  I am much more bave! (Or so I thought.)  My mom and uncle are sitting there laughing as I go into the hallway to get our swiffer.  By the time I got back in the kitchen, the bug was no longer on the ceiling and I couldn't find it.  So, I had the stupid thought to stand on the chair and maybe take a look on top of our ceiling fan.  Maybe he climbed up there...  I get on the chair and turn my head and...

I'm face to buggy eye face with that little ugly mofo bug...

So of course, being the brave super mom I am, I jump off the chair, throw the swiffer at my mom and run screaming to the other side of the room.  Oh yes I did.  When it comes to big ugly bugs, I'm not brave.  I hate them.  They make me itchy just looking at them. (Or just thinking about them.  I'm itching right now.)

To make a long story short, we got the bug...and his brother who came to look for him after we killed the first one...  Disgusting, ew, i.... hate.... bugs....

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