Dec 9, 2014

What Not to Do (in the Morning) Before I've Had Coffee

As I am sure many moms can sympathize, I need my coffee in the morning before I can fully function and my kids do understand that.  However, there are occasions where that slips their mind and mommy ends up not so happy.  So here is a list of what not to do before my first cup of coffee.

♥ Do not come down the stairs arguing about stupid shit.  I don't want to hear that your sister stole your shirt, your stuffed animal, your shoes or that she threw your toothbrush in the toilet just because she could. Not only is it too early to listen to arguments about that but I can't even fathom handling a situation like that before I am fully caffeinated.

 Do not ask me Math, English or Science questions.  You will not get an answer.  In fact, it's not even a guarantee that I will be speaking proper English before I've had coffee.  My brain can't comprehend putting words together to form a correct sentence let alone answer homework questions that I wouldn't understand anyway.  To avoid me wanting to chuck your entire backpack out the kitchen window, refrain from asking me these questions...ever.  (Not even when I have had coffee.)

♥ Do not try to plan my day.  My day is already planned and jam packed after I've had my coffee and after you go to school.  Do not ask me if you can go to Toys r Us after school, there's no friggin reason for it.  Oh? You have no toys to play with? Go tell that to your million-and-one toys upstairs in your room.  Do not ask me if you can have McDonalds for dinner when we have a refrigerator full of food.  You don't like what I'm making for dinner? Oh well.  When I was a kid I had no choice, neither do you!  The only thing I might agree to is a question pertaining to you going over a friends house after school...then I might actually have some peace and quiet. Thankyouverymuch.

♥ Do not ask me for lunch money.   You get free lunch at school and they no longer sell snacks.  So why do you need lunch money?  I know you're stashing that money in your wallet for a future shopping trip. No, I'm not psychic, I used to do the same exact thing to my mom.  You live and you learn!

♥ Do not pretend to be sick and ask to stay home. Once again, this is something I learned from experience.  I was the queen of excuses to stay home from school; don't do as I've done!  If you were perfectly fine this morning, fighting with your sister, watching your completely annoying shows and suddenly act like you're on your deathbed, don't even try it.  I know the second I agree that you can stay home you'll be bouncing off the walls again.  Once I have my coffee then you may act like you're dying.  We'll analyze the situation and see if it warrants you staying home (maybe I would even be nice and let you have a mental health day) but do not do this before my coffee  I definitely wouldn't be nice!

♥ Do not ask if you can have a bacon and eggs with waffles breakfast. #1 - I am not Ihop, I do not take orders for breakfast and #2 - If you wake up at 7:30 and we have to be dressed and out the door by 8:15 you're lucky if you have time for breakfast!