Chasing Bugs and Teacher Meetings

I admire any mother who can actually be energetic and make use of all of the hours in a day.  God knows, I do try my best to but I can't.  It's impossible for me to do anything that I have to do when I work 9-12 hours and then have to clean after the messes the kids made while I was working, make dinner and hope that my kids decide to go to bed on time.  It's absolutely impossible.  There are times when I feel like I need a week vacation, I dream of going somewhere remote and warm and peaceful -- then I snap back into reality and realize that I am a single mom of my two little terrors.  I don't have time for vacations!  The most time that I do have for myself is when I'm working.  Other than that, maybe once a week I go out with my friend for dinner or to just unwind.  

Honestly, I think I figured that when I started working from home I wouldn't be so exhausted.  That was the wrong thing to think.  Even though I am sitting on my butt all day and working on my computer, I'm absolutely exhausted.  Even more tired than I was when I worked outside the home.  I'm not sure if it is because I know I can be lazy and I'm aware that my bed is just a few steps away or if using my brain is making me so exhausted. (Ha!  Everyone that knows me knows that my brain is hardly ever used otherwise...)  There are days, hours or moments where I can barely keep my eyes open.  There are times when I feel so sick and it's all due to the extreme exhaustion.  I could only pray for a good night of sleep, that's impossible as well.  Once I finally am able to go to sleep -- my insomnia kicks in and I just can't shut off to go to sleep.  Irony...

Today was another one of those busy days.  Had to get Alayna to school, get back in time for work, go to pick her up from school on my lunch break, had to pick up lunch on the way home and then get back to work.  Not only that, but I also had to take some time this afternoon to go to Alayna's parent-teacher conference.   Since she is in Pre-K they don't give report cards, but they do give verbal progress reports.  I wasn't surprised to hear that Alayna is beyond Pre-K knowledge.  I knew this last year when I felt she should have been in school.  Her teacher is in disbelief that she can copy a sentence that her teacher writes, she's in awe that Alayna's art talent is as good as it is and she cannot believe that Alayna has so much knowledge in her little head.  She had told me that Alayna answers almost all of the questions that her teacher asks.  Needless to say, I was a very proud mommy.  I'm not exactly sure where my daughter gets her brains from...sure as hell not me!

Afterwards, while eating dinner, we had a riot in our kitchen -- there as a bug on the ceiling.  It wasn't just a fly, it was the ugliest S.O.B that you had EVER seen.  This thing was huge and gave us all the creeps.  Of course, my girls couldn't calmly leave the room, they had to run screaming into the living room.  As if the bug was going to attack them.  They're a hundred times bigger than it.  I am much more bave! (Or so I thought.)  My mom and uncle are sitting there laughing as I go into the hallway to get our swiffer.  By the time I got back in the kitchen, the bug was no longer on the ceiling and I couldn't find it.  So, I had the stupid thought to stand on the chair and maybe take a look on top of our ceiling fan.  Maybe he climbed up there...  I get on the chair and turn my head and...

I'm face to buggy eye face with that little ugly mofo bug...

So of course, being the brave super mom I am, I jump off the chair, throw the swiffer at my mom and run screaming to the other side of the room.  Oh yes I did.  When it comes to big ugly bugs, I'm not brave.  I hate them.  They make me itchy just looking at them. (Or just thinking about them.  I'm itching right now.)

To make a long story short, we got the bug...and his brother who came to look for him after we killed the first one...  Disgusting, ew, i.... hate.... bugs....

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Ten Tips for New Moms on Bringing a Baby Home!

I remember getting closer to my due date(s) and getting the nursery all ready for the new baby.  It seems like it was the longest time ago, but I do remember it very clearly.  Distinctly I remember making a list of things that we would need and posting it up as my check list along with a count down of the days I had left to finish that list in!  Having a baby is a hectic time, as is bringing home the baby!

1.  Get most things done before the baby comes.  I thought I had all the time in the world to get things done for my oldest.  I was thinking "Oh yeah, I'll have 40 weeks.  She'll come late and everything will be ready!"  I was wrong.  She came 6 weeks early and I did not have all the time in the world.  Suddenly, my family was rushing around to get most of the tasks done and I was left worrying that things wouldn't get done in time to bring her home.  After all, I wanted my daughter to have the best of everything and to come into a great atmosphere.

2. Do you have a dog or a cat?  You want the animal to get used to the baby's scent before you bring him/her home.  Have your husband, boyfriend, significant other or any other family member bring a receiving blanket home that has been near the new baby in the hospital.  You are going to want to put that blanket near where your dog or cat sleeps and let them sniff that blanket and cuddle with that blanket.  They will pick up the baby's scent and know that the new addition also will be a new friend to your pet.  You don't want the dog or cat to potentially try to jump at the baby when he/she comes home.

3. Stock up on diapers and wipes!  I know this sounds funny and I know most people HATE when people give them diapers and wipes as additions to baby shower gifts.  Well, I'm here to tell you that you can NEVER have enough diapers or wipes.  Your newborn baby will probably go through close to two packs of diapers per week.  If you have coupons and find sales that are good, stock up!!  If you can't print anymore of the coupons because of the quota, ask family and friends to print it off for you.  You will need both the savings and the diapers and wipes.  Believe me.

4. Keep a bottle of Purel in the nursery.  I learned this while my daughter was in the NICU.  Keep hand sanitizer in your nursery.  Actually, keep one in your nursery, kitchen, bedroom, bathroom, garage, car... Keep one everywhere.  Why?  Babies are prone to getting sick more than we are.  Their immune systems are just starting to further develop and we don't want them to get sick.  We want our babies to be comfortable and happy.  If anyone comes in the home to visit, have them sanitize their hands as well.  Don't let any unsanitized hands touch or go near your baby.  Hell, I even asked strangers to sanitize their hands before going near my baby... Even until she was a year and a half...

5. Take advantage of nap times.  This is going to be important until your baby is about 7 years old. (lol)  Make sure to nap when your baby naps!  You're going to want to take advantage of their nap times so you are able to get in some sleep too.  While you think you  may be super mom, you're not.  Take it from someone who did think that and got so physically exhausted that she actually got sick.  You need to take naps during the day for yourself, you're sanity and your significant other's sanity.

6. Wash the clothing before wearing.  You're going to want to wash your baby's clothes before you put them on him/her.  Wash in a mild detergent that is gentle to a baby's skin like Dreft.  Don't use anything harsh like Tide or any of the major known detergents.  There are plenty that are specially made for babies.

7.  White noise helps.  Often babies may get cranky or even colicky.  If this happens, white noise is great to sooth the baby.  White noise is anything that may be a humming sound.  (Any sound that is annoying to us!)  It may be a vacuum cleaner going, the sound of a static-y TV or even a heartbeat.  Heartbeat bears are available for purchase and they do work.  Babies are so used to the noisy atmosphere of being in the womb and coming out into the world is a different experience.  We often keep our baby's room quiet so they can sleep, but occasionally they need the familiarity of a more noisy environment.

8. Bottle warmers are great, but often you don't have the time to wait that long until the bottle is warmed.  As much as they say you should not use a microwave, it doesn't hurt.  It's important to put the bottle in the microwave at low intervals.  Microwave until the bottom of the bottle is tepid and the top of the bottle is just room temp.  Shake the bottle as much as you can until you feel the temperature be a little warmer than room temp.  ALWAYS test formula on your arm first.  You don't want to burn your baby.

9. Ask for some help.  We know that mothers and mother in laws can be annoying and invasive, but in the first few weeks they may be a Godsend.  We spoke earlier about not being super mom and not trying to be super mom.  You may need the help, don't be afraid to ask.  If you need someone to prepare meals while you're taking care of your baby, ask.  Chances are, they will be more than happy to assist.

10. Make sure your car seat is correct.  Most fire or police stations do car seat checks for new mom's or pregnant mom's.  It's important that your car seat is in correctly and firmly in place so your child is safe.  If you are ever unsure about the way you put it in yourself, it's best to get it looked at and installed properly.  Better to be safe than sorry.

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It's Friday! Yay! :)

I feel like I've been so absent from Friday Follow!!  Well, I have.  Alayna has been sick with strep for the past week and I'm a little frustrated at my pediatrician.  The pediatrician refuses to give any antibiotics.  I'm no physician but I used to get strep five times a year for 15 years. (No joke.)  I was given antibiotics every single time.  I'm just being told to give her Tylenol.  Doesn't that seem off to you??  I'm worried that Alayna is gonna turn out like me with being prone to strep.  I finally got my tonsils out when I was 15.  My pediatrician (related to Alayna's) never believed in tonsillectomys.  I just feel like mother's know best, and I believe that's 100% true.  

I remember reading a post about mother's intuition on Theta Mom's blog.  There were many follow up blogs to it because it's a great subject and it's true.  It was very interesting reading the stories of how mothers were right over doctors or over teachers and so on.  I have a great story of mother's intuition as well.

Alayna was born prematurely.  Surprisingly, she weighed 8lbs 7oz. (At almost 35 weeks - Yes, my dates were right.)  She ended up in the NICU for quite a while because she had some normal problems that many preemies have, despite her weight and length.  Her main problems were digestive issues and feeding problems.  She wasn't born with the sucking reflex and therefore had to be fed through a gastro tube.  She would not take a bottle no matter what, and I was assured that it was something she just hadn't developed since she was premature, but it could be learned.  She said sucking is an involuntary action for babies, however it has to be developed.  It felt like an eternity that Alayna had the gastro tube, especially to a mother driving 45 minutes each way per day to go to the hospital to be with her daughter.  They kept trying the bottle, wanting her to get the hang of it and sometimes she did, sometimes she didn't.  

When Alayna started to learn how to suck on a bottle, she would take a few small ounces of formula and then throw it all up...violently.  This led to the gastro tube being put back in because she would throw up everything she had taken in.  Even so, for me, the smallest amount that she drank from a bottle was cause to celebrate.  

This continued to happen for a long time and her weight started to go down.  They could not figure out what was wrong with her.  Me, being the determined person I was, went online and began to research.  The next day before I went to the hospital, I went to Babies R Us and bought everything that I had read about to try.  I was hesitant that the NICU wouldn't allow me to try, but we had this one amazing nurse Carol who was very caring and understood my feelings.  She let me try what I wanted to.  

The new formula I had brought in and the new bottles semi worked.  She didn't throw up as much formula as she had used to, but it was still cause for concern because in order for her to leave the NICU, her body weight had to be over a certain amount and consistent for two days straight.  She had to stop throwing it up and the hospital had no idea what the hell was going on.  Which frustrated me even more.  Isn't a neonatologist supposed to be knowledgeable? Aren't they supposed to know everything?  I had many emotional ups and downs there.  I would burst into tears, I would scream at the neonatologist.  All of which are very common in the NICU because of the pressure the moms are under.  

One day after doing research I came up with something that sounded just like what my daughter was going through.  I printed everything out and took it to the nurse Carol.  There was a covering neonatologist there that day and she listened to me very intently.  The article was about infant reflux in premature babies.  She thought it couldn't hurt to give it a try, so she ordered many GI tests for Alayna.  Turns out, I was right.  She had severe reflux.  Once they put her on Pepcid and started giving her a lactose free formula, the throwing up stopped, the constant crying stopped and she was my happy little baby.  Almost two months after she was born, she came home.  I owe all of that to mother's intuition.  If I hadn't stepped in and did my research, God only knows how long Alayna would have been in the hospital.  

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Before I was a mom...

Before I was a mom I was very irresponsible and selfish.  My own mother and I never got along, and I now realize that was because I was a disrespectful little bitch person as a teenager.  I wanted what I wanted and if I didn't get it...watch out! I never understood why she was so overprotective of me and swore that she was just doing it because she hated me.  I felt uncool and actually was uncool.  I never fit in anywhere or with anyone, but I tried like hell.  I would have done absolutely anything to try to fit in, and I probably did. 

I would spend money frivolously like I could just pick more off of the big money tree.  I spent on my credit cards like there was an endless flow of money at the other end.  Being at the mall was dangerous for me because I would end up leaving with more than I could actually afford.  Shopping has always been my downfall.....  Just as drugs or alcohol are terrible addictions; mine was shopping.  I never thought of the consequences of my actions and never thought of anyone but myself.  (Ok, maybe sometimes I did...)

Before I was a mom I had a lot of time to perfect my craft.  I was an artist and I would stay up for hours working on one painting.  When I started a painting, getting up to go to the bathroom, get something to eat, getting something to drink, getting up to walk around, those were all things that weren't on my mind.  Once I was in "the zone", unless someone reminded me I should get up and eat or walk around, I wouldn't.  I was a perfectionist and I had to just finish "a little bit more" before I finally got up.  I had a great concentration span and would sit there until the wee hours of the morning to try to finish or perfect my piece.  

Going to the gym was important to me.  I would get up early and get to the gym before I did anything else.  If I couldn't get to the gym, I'd walk around town to get where I had to go.  Well, I also didn't have a car.  On foot was the only way I could have gotten to most places!  I didn't complain about walking and actually loved it.  Exercise made me feel renewed and refreshed.

Before I was a mom I'd lie to my mom continuously.  I would go out with guys and tell her I was elsewhere.  I knew that she would get mad at me or wouldn't let me go if I told her where I was really going.  I never cared that she had no idea where I really was and never answered any of her continuous calls when I wasn't home on time.  I always wondered why she didn't trust me and thought I was doing everything right.

I never realized how incomplete my life was before I was a mom.  I thought I could do anything and I probably could have.  I thought everything was perfect when I was going out with friends and guys, disrespecting my mom, lying to her and talking about her behind her back.  I thought shopping WAS my life and thought spending money was something everyone did the same way that I did.  I was completely wrong.

It's amazing how having a baby can change your life in an instant.  The second I found out I was pregnant with DD1, it was like a polar opposite within a few minutes.  I instantly felt this responsibility and love for someone other than myself.  I felt this immense maturity come over me and realized that my life was now for someone else.  It's so true... I live for my children.  They are my reason for life.  I will do anything for them, and I do.  

Shopping is so different now.  Of course, I do buy things for myself, and I am still a shopping addict, except I'm a shopping addict for my children and I do make wiser choices. (Though difficult!)  I would rather buy something for my girls than for myself.  If it's a choice between the both, I would always put mine back and choose theirs.  That is something that I never thought I would do, if you had asked me as a teenager.

Being a mom changes everything and it changes everything for the better.  All of the good times outweigh the struggles and complications.  Once you see your kids' smiles, it's all worth it. :) 

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Exhaustion and Motherhood go hand in hand.

I remember the days in High School and College where I could stay up for hours on end.  I was able to get home at 3pm from school, stay up until 3 or 4 am, wake back up at 7 am and start the same thing all over the next day.  How I used to do that?  I'm going to feel old saying this, but I guess it was youth and the ease of not having responsibility.  It was easy for me to concentrate on school with very little sleep.  I felt like I could do anything while running on those 2 or 3 hours.  Oh, to be young younger again.  (And I'm not even old! I'm 25!)

This should actually go with the post that I wrote yesterday about things I wish I knew before motherhood because it's true!  I had absolutely no idea how physically and mentally draining it is to be a mom.  There are days where I feel absolutely drained by 5 or 6 pm.  Exhaustion to the point of not being able to move, not being able to think, migraine headache, the feeling that you can't keep your eyes open.  Complete and utter exhaustion.  Of course, moms don't get a break.  We have to get past the feeling of absolute exhaustion somehow -- And we always do come up with new and creative ways.  (Short of popping a NoDoz, 5 Hour Energy shot or running to Starbucks for that latte with as many espresso shots as humanly possible; none of which I have done.)  

Why do I feel so tired?  Even I am still trying to figure that out.  I don't work outside the house a regular job, I work sporadically for different companies on an as needed basis.  I've put my business on hold because of how hectic it is around here, so basically all I do is errands, cooking, cleaning and handling the kids.  I guess that is enough to completely tire you out.  After all, being a mom IS a full time job unto itself.  

Sleep is so important for moms.  I have heard from various places that lack of sleep and exhaustion causes depression or continues to worsen post partum depression.  I believe it and I feel it.  They suggest a mom get a full 12 hour night of uninterrupted sleep, but that's absolutely impossible.  How can any mom get a full night of sleep with young kids in the house?  It's always something!!  I'm lucky that my girls sleep well, once they go to sleep, but there are nights where they wake up in the middle of the night for one reason or another.  That's my mission for one night this year -- get 12 hours of uninterrupted sleep. (Making a mental note.)  Let's see if that actually happens. 

As I said yesterday, I love being a mom and love the journey.  I just wish that some days it were easier.  One day I'm sure I will wake up and see a change.  Maybe my kids will have some divine intervention to calm them down and make them listen to me. (HA!!)  Maybe I'll just magically have more energy to get through every day.  Until that day, I have to keep on coming up with creative ideas to help me gain more energy.  (Red Bull, here I come!!)  

Does anyone else feel exhaustion to the point of not being able to move or being physically achy?

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What I didn't realize or expect...

Two wonderful bloggers "O My Family" and "Heir to Blair" also blogged about this.  Reading about their feelings made me feel that I shouldn't be ashamed of how I feel at times.  Motherhood is hard, much harder than I had ever realized.  I never thought being a mom was easy, but I definitely wasn't ready for the huge challenge that was ahead of me.

In 2005 after Alayna was born,  I had a lot of post partum depression.  At that point in time, I don't know if I knew it was exactly that or if I was just in denial about it.  Let's face it, I had a lot going on at that point in time.  I was dealing with the horrible break up from my ex-fiance/Alayna's dad.  That was absolutely terrible because of the shock of it all.  We were in love, we were happy, we were both excited and planning on moving in together...  I got a call from my birth mother when I was 6 months pregnant, telling me that she had seen my ex-fiance with another girl at a restaurant.  When I confronted him, he broke up with me.  It wasn't at all amicable either.  The break up was such a shock, it was so hard for me to get over it and get over the memories, it was something that actually, in reality, took me 3 years to finally get over.  The depression got so bad while I was pregnant, my OB/GYN wanted to put me on anti depressants.  I declined because I didn't want to take anything that could endanger my baby.  I also declined after I had Alayna because I didn't think I would need them.  I told myself that I could overcome whatever lingering depression I had left on my own.  I was so very wrong.  I should have gotten on the anti depressants after birth because by the time I realized the depression was too much to handle on my own, I was too ashamed to ask anyone for help.  I kept it to myself.

As well as the break up, in 2005 my grandmother went into the hospital and had to have part of her foot amputated due to diabetes.  We really didn't think she was going to be able to make it and that really hurt.  That added to my depression.  Even when my grandmother pulled through that with flying colors, the reality that my grandparents were getting old and I wouldn't have too much time left with them really hit me hard.  As I have said before, my grandparents were my best friends. 

This comes as a shock to a lot of people, but a month after Alayna was born, I went to work.  I worked at Bath and Body Works and went back so quickly for two reasons.  #1.  I felt like I needed to get out of the house and felt like I needed to talk amongst adults, socialize and just have my own time.  #2.  I was a single parent and the realization of financial insecurity scared me into working as much as I possibly could.  Do I regret going back to work so early?  Partially...  I feel, looking back, that infanthood goes by so quickly.  Really, it passes within a blink of an eye.  I regret not being able to enjoy Alayna's infanthood as much as I could have had the chance to, but I was doing what I felt I had to do for her.  I was working as much as I could and trying to make a living.  

Post Partum depression made things a lot more difficult for me, and I believe it is still there.  I'm only 25 years old and my kids are my life, don't get me wrong!!  Sometimes I feel like I wish I had more time to spend time with my friends, sometimes I wish I had more time to try to meet someone to make me happy, sometimes I feel like I had more time to myself to just spend time writing, listening to music or playing games.  I know, it probably makes me sound like a terrible parent to wish those things, but that's only a small percentage of my thinking.  

Having both of my kids were unplanned.  (Disclaimer: I wasn't just having sex without thinking about the consequences.  We did take precautions.  Unfortunately, with Olivia, I had been taking medication for something else that counter acted my birth control.  With Alayna, we were just the unlucky 5% that gets pregnant even when all precautions are taken.)  When I found out I was pregnant, I read every parenting book there possibly was.  I wanted to prepare myself for being a parent and I really thought that by reading all of those books, I'd be ready.  Little did I know how difficult it would be.  I never expected parenting to be what it is.

I expected having a little girl to be like having a best friend 24 hours a day 7 days a week 365 days a year.  On one hand, it is, but it's not at all was I expecting.  I do consider Alayna and Olivia my best friends and they consider me the same.  Though, there are days where they scream at me, tell me they hate me, are rude to each other.  I know, I know, they're sisters.  Sisters don't ALWAYS get along, but once they start in their little attitudes, it's so hard to snap them out of it.  It's so difficult for me to sit there and try to calmly tell them to stop day after day, hour after hour.  I don't like to raise my voice.  I hate yelling at my girls.  Though sometimes I have to when there is no other option to getting them to stop.

Constantly walking into my living room or their bedroom and seeing toys strewn everywhere, cleaning up all the time, at the second I finish cleaning up, more toys are already out.  It stresses me out beyond belief.  All the while, I know they're kids and know they are going to make messes.  I know they're just playing and I also know I should be a little more strict with them cleaning up their toys.  Sometimes I feel the arguing isn't worth it.  Begging them to clean up their toys 8-10 times a day just isn't worth the exhaustion it takes to constantly ask.  I wish I could walk in a room, ask them to clean it up and a few minutes later walk back into a spotless room.  Though, that's just fantasy.  That doesn't happen in real life.  There is no magic fairy dust you can sprinkle to make kids clean their room.  

The fights to get them into the bath, the fights to get them to brush their teeth, the fights to get them to bed, the fights to get them inside after we have been playing outside, the fights in the middle of Toys R Us when we can't buy a toy that they desperately want...  It all stresses us out and I'm sure a lot of us wish there were magic words we could say to make things all better and to make them behave.  

Motherhood is an extremely amazing experience and journey, it really is.  Though there are those times where we just wish things could be different.  When we just want those quiet times to ourselves, where we wish we were more prepared about the obstacles of the journey ahead of us.

I know it will just get more challenging as they grow up, and I know that I will grow up more as well and hopefully, as I grow, I will be more prepared for the long ride ahead of me.  

My girls are my life and they mean the world to me.  As I always say; "If your kids sometimes hate you, you're doing something right."

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