It sucks to be head of household.

Every year on my taxes, I file head of household.  Why?  Because basically, I am.  My mom is unemployed because she cannot work.  She has had an injured knee for years and since she is unemployed and has no income, she doesn't have insurance to get the surgery that she needs.  While I am trying to see if I can add her to my benefits for health insurance at my job, we have to wait to see if that can be done.  So for now, she watches my girls when I am at work and I give her what I can for babysitting my two maniacs kids.  I know that what I give her per week isn't a lot, but it is enough to get her through what she currently needs.  I know that she wants to get a job to help out.  I also feel that once she gets her knee surgery and can stand and walk again, she definitely will try to get something little to bring more money into the house.  My mom has always worked and I know she feels helpless when she can't do much.

It's so hard, being a 25 (and 3\4!) year old single mom who is also supporting her mother and everything in the house.  Especially since I am one that works two jobs and tries to hold down the home as well.  My jobs aren't high paying jobs, they're retail and reception.  While I do get paid more than other employees because of my experience and work ethic, it's still difficult to work all I have to work to get the money we need to keep the house going.  Now that I do have two jobs, I am trying to save money per paycheck in a savings account and emergency fund.  We have to get back on our feet, and we will.  I feel so useless, sometimes, that we live paycheck to paycheck, but that's all that can be done right now.  In the future, I hope to get a job that pays more so we can be comfortable and not apprehensive, but at least we are no longer worrying about where our next meal will come from.  (A few years ago, that was actually one of our concerns.)

This is why I clip and search for coupons, this is why I have put so much time into studying the right way to use and stack coupons and this is why I try to save all I can where I can.  It's a really great feeling to get a $100 grocery bill for $40 or even sometimes less.  This is why I go to many different stores and not just one grocery store, but this is also why I am stressed.  Sometimes it feels like I am running errands all day and have no break time.  I also wish that my mom would appreciate me more for all that I do.

My mom is a great person, she really is.  I love her for so many reasons and appreciate her for adopting me and giving me the life that I wouldn't have had otherwise.  She supported me for so many years, even working two jobs at one point so I could have what I wanted.  I love my mom and I know that I am giving back to her by supporting her right now.  Sometimes, though, I feel like I am underappreciated and not giving the credit that I am due.  There are times that she yells at me for being out going to different stores, but how else would we get the good deals that we are?  There are even times she yells at me for being exhausted and wanting to take a nap.  I work two jobs that are very difficult and stressful.  On top of that, cleaning the house as much as I have to, making dinner, figuring out what to make for dinner, and all the other mommy-hood duties -- at the end of the day I am asleep standing up.  Sometimes I just wish she would understand and thank me for all I do.  She does occasionally, but the days that she disrespects me and tells me I am lazy, it hurts. 

I shouldn't be complaining about this and I should be lucky that I have a mother who cares and watches my kids, that I have a place to live and that I have a job to support my family and put food on the table.  I just needed to get this off my chest.  This is why I love blogging, I can rant and rave and maybe one or two people who read this would relate.

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If I were blonde, skinny and very awkward looking, that would be me today.  You will never believe how much stress one person can have until it happens to you.  For the past few days my stress level has skyrocketed and today I really feel like I can just hit a wall.  I am absolutely exhausted, over worked and frustrated with absolutely everything.

The snow really started it all off the other day.  The three hours that I spent outside shoveling my car out just to go to the grocery store, the hour I tried to help my uncle dig his car out yesterday, and the frustration that even though I just spent $900 to get my car fixed, it is starting the same issue again.  Add to that, my house is a mess.  My kids have been absolute terrors -- I think it's cabin fever.  I want to take them out in the snow for a little while to get some fresh air and expend some energy, but they're sick.  Sneezing, sniffles, slight fevers...the both of them.  So as of now, snow is a no-no.  Right now, as I sit at work, they're probably at home terrorizing the entire house and the adults inside.  I owe my mom and uncle HUGE for being babysitters while I work.  Especially when my kids are acting the way that they are acting right now. It's absolutely crazy.  Who knew a 3 and 5 year old can reak so much havok on one house.  (Looks can be deceiving, apparently!)

Snow that was scheduled for today, thankfully, never came.  However, we do have a huge storm that is going to hit Tuesday into Wednesday.  I don't know what I'm going to do or how I am going to handle that.  At the point we're at, Alayna will be in school until July with all the snow days they're having.  I'm so stressed out that it is really affecting my health.  I'm getting headaches, not feeling well, wanting to eat everything in sight and it doesn't help that this is ALL added into PMS.  I'm just a bundle of fun right now, trust me.  (You wouldn't want to be around me.)

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Anyone else sick of snow?

The weekend after Christmas we got slammed with a little over 30 inches of snow.  Every week (at least once a week) after that, we have had a storm.  Even though some of the snow falls were minimal, < 6in, I am sick of it.  

As a child, I LOVED the snow.  I would pray for snow just to play in it and have a snow day.  Now as an adult, it isn't that fun.  Shoveling, getting your car out, driving in it, not being able to get to places you need to go...  It's all frustrating.  Whenever I hear about a storm coming, I turn the TV off.  I just can't even stand to listen to it.  

My girls, of course, love the snow.  When they hear of snow in the forecast, it's a celebration for them.  Granted, my 5 year old is in the frame of mind that I was at when I was her age -- Snowdays!  Little does she know, in public school the snow days add up.  If they pass their allotted amount of snow days, that means more school time at the end of the year.  She'll learn that in June...we have already passed our allotted time thanks to Mother Nature.  

At least I can be grateful that I do not miss work becuse of the snow.  My morning job at H&R Block, I live just 5 blocks away.  It's easy for me to walk or slowly drive there.  My second job in the afternoon/night, I work from home.  I have no excuse to miss work because of the inclimate weather! (Though sometimes I wish I did have an excuse.  Two jobs is exhausting!)  

Is anyone else sick and tired of the snow?  I feel like I'm shoveling snow more than I am doing anything else...and that just might be true.  12-16 inches in the forecast for tonight/tomorrow and I have an appointment to take my mom to at 7 am.  I can't miss that...so, that means shoveling every damn two hours through the night.

I'll survive tomorrow somehow... Anyone have redbull I can have?

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What our kid's kids won't know...

While at work today (I know, shame shame) I was reading Yahoo and saw this article on the front page.  Thinking about this for a while, from reactions my daughter had to some items that we still have at home, this blog is long overdue!  Featured promidently on the front page was this article about, Things Babies Born in 2011 Will Never Know About...  Having thought about this for a long time, I thought it's about damn time I blog about it...

We have lived in the same house all my life, and actually, my mom has lived there for 56 years as well.  So as you can imagine, our home is filled with items that are antique, vintage and just old!  There are things there from her childhood as well as mine.  (Yes, we STILL have old toys of mine -- we're packrats!)  Since we are going to have to be moving sooner or later, we have been slowly clearing through things we don't want anymore.  Now, you know kids are very nosey, and mine have been wanting to see and play with toys that we had put away that were mine.  I've heard many different things from them from, "Hey, this Barbie doesn't have fashionable clothes!" to "These toys don't make sounds?" and even, "This gameboy is black and white!"  Ahh, kids of the technology age...  I had to explain to them that the technology in the 80's and 90's really wasn't what it is now.  Video game systems were black and white for a while as well as pixelated when they finally got color.  Try explaining that to a 5 year old who ALREADY thinks you're old at 25. (And 3/4s!)

This article is right on at most of the items that they feature.  My kids only know about VHS tapes because I brought some up that have older kids shows on them. (And even then, they giggled about the poor quality! We didn't have HDTV back then!)  They have no idea what a cassette tape is, I showed them once and they laughed.  They asked how I got that into a CD player in my car. Ha! 

Most importantly, kids will not know how to use their imagination when they play with each other.  What about just going outside and playing a nice game of tag?   Video games and other electronic toys have prevented kids from being active.  It's difficult, these days to get kids off the computer, video games, etc... to actually go outside.  (I know this first hand.)  It isn't only the kids fault, some of their parents also encourage this and use TV, Video Games and so on as "babysitters".  However, that isn't the way that we should be dealing with our children.  Quality time is important for behavior and growth.

It's actually pretty intriguing how technology  has changed even from the 1980's when I was born.  Things have advanced so much and will just keep advancing in the future.  I found that article pretty interesting for many reasons. (Even though, I do disagree about the watch -- people still will wear watches as fashion pieces.  Seldom do people want to actually dig in their purse or reach in their pockets to find out the time)  Our children are the future.  They will see more changes and advances than anyone else. 

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An Open Letter to Sears

Dear Sears,

I have worked in Customer Service and Retail for 10 years and I have never encountered the rudeness that are Sears call center associates.  WEEKS ago, I placed an order for a car charger adapter.  It took Sears THREE WEEKS to e-mail me telling me the order had been canceled.  Meanwhile, I had been calling and inquiring, they would always tell me the order was on it's way when it was not.  After I received very late e-mail telling me the order was canceled, I called back to place the order. The first agent I spoke to RUDELY told me that she could not give me the sales price of the item that I PAID FOR and I would have to now pay full price.  Now, come on, Sears, I've worked in retail long enough to know that your rude agent was bullshitting me.  (And oh yes, she was very rude to me too. She treated me like I was a 5 year old who got scolded for not listening to the rules.)  I hung up out of anger and because I had other things to do. 

Calling back the day after actually gave me the one nice agent that I had spoke to.  He placed my order again for me and told me that he would give me the sale price that I had originally paid.  I was happy to actually speak to someone who cared for a customer.  (Or at least seemed like it.)  My order was placed and I was a happy camper.  Unfortunately, this isn't the "happily ever after" ending when I STILL had not received my item.  Called numerous times to rude associates who told me the item was shipped, I should be receiving it soon, etc...  Two weeks later I got the package.  They told me 5-7 business days when it took 15 to send it?  Come on, Sears...

Fast forward to Thursday night... I go online to check my credit card bill and to tally how much I spent this Holiday season when I see Sears took $79.00 off my card.  Oh really?  For what?  I call sears to get ANOTHER angry and rude agent who told me that I had not cancelled my ShipVantage membership and that's why I was charged.  I told said agent that I had an agent cancel it for me after the second order that I placed. Agent gets VERY angry with me and tells me that I'm feeding him a line because I didn't want my card to be charged.  No, I had canceled it and was angry that they still charged my card.  That agent rudely hung up on me.

I call back an hour later and speak to an agent who said she cancelled it, but I would have to wait 10 days for the shipping department to call me to tell me if I can even GET a refund.  No, no, no, I'm not going to do that.  I demanded to speak to a manager.  After asking me many questions that I REFUSED to answer, I got a manager on the phone.  Oddly, this manager told me Sears' computers were down.  It was shocking especially since the agent prior was able to tell me the information from the computer, but this girl couldn't even pull up any information?  Hmm...  I was told I would get a call back in 2 hours.  Friday passed, Saturday passed, Sunday passed, Monday passed and part of Tuesday.  I wasn't waiting any longer.  That 2 hours was turning into a week very quickly. 

Today when I called I encountered 3 rude (very rude) reps who refused to transfer me to a manager and EACH of them said I was acting irrationally and hung up on me.  IRRATIONALLY?!  DO YOU WANT TO SEE IRRATIONAL!?  TELL ME AGAIN THAT YOU DON'T KNOW WHEN I AM GOING TO GET MY MONEY BACK!  I called a third time, hoping not to go completely nuts on the agent, when this agent asked me over and over again, "What is your name?" "What is your order number?" "Why are you so upset?"  Listen, if I have to tell you my name (and spell it) 5 times, there's something wrong.  When I have to explain to you 5 times that I DO NOT HAVE AN ORDER NUMBER, you're not listening to me. AND THEY WONDER WHY I AM UPSET.  I eventually refused to answer anything else until I got a manager.  After being put on hold for 15 minutes, I finally got a manager.  (Who had absolutely no compassion for me.)  This manager tried for 35 minutes to pull up my account with my name. 

"Are you sure you used your name for the order?"

No, I used Abraham Lincoln's name...WHAT DO YOU THINK?

"What is your order number?"
For the 100th time, I DO NOT HAVE AN ORDER NUMBER.

"Ok, then we can't pull your account, are you sure you shopped with Sears?"
No, not at all. I just feel like calling and telling you off for nothing. It's amusement to me.


"Maybe we canceled your order. If so, you'll get a refund."
Ok, let me say this like I'm speaking to my kids... I... DO... NOT... HAVE... AN... ORDER.


"Oh, you don't have an order? Then why did we charge you $79?"
I am just the customer! I found it on my credit card statement! Why don't YOU tell me, Sears Supervisor... (if that is your real name.)


After going back and forth with this unhelpful supervisor and a long ("brief", they called it) hold, she came back and told me that the agent prior who said she canceled the ShipVantage NEVER DID and she would do it for me now.  She also told me that I would have my money back in 3-5 business days.  I'm praying I do, but after the crap I have gone through with Sears, I'm not holding my breath. 


The kicker, before she ended the call, she asked me "Do you have a Sears credit card and would you like more information about signing up for one?"  No, no thank you.  I'm never shopping with Sears again.  JC Penney has much better customer service and I'll use THEIR credit card.  I WAS a Sears card holder, but no longer.  Not after the way the agents made me feel small and insignificant when customers are supposed to be one of the most important part of the company.

So much for good customer service with that company.

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These few weeks aren't getting any better.

I'm so sorry I haven't gotten the giveaway winner yet, and I'm going to be doing that today.  In addition to working three jobs and working over 50 hours in my full time job, my mom was in the hospital yesterday.  She has known she needs knee surgery for such a long time, but yesterday it got so bad, I took her to the ER.  Of course, they said that she does need the knee surgery, but she also had crazy high blood pressure.  She hasn't been on meds because of her lack of insurance, but I told her that we have to figure something out because she needs to be on the meds or the doctor said she can have a stroke any time now.  So, we're re-budgeting everything. 

Absolutely crazy here, but I'm going to blog and post the giveaway winners after my phone shift at 3pm today.  Once I'm on my chat shift at work, It will be so much easier to blog and get things done.

Stay tuned!

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DID ANYONE ELSE GO SHOPPING?

Happy Belated Thanksgiving!  I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday filled with food, family and relaxation.  I missed blogging and you guys all week, but I haven't had the chance to do anything.  Honestly, I even had to take some time off from work, which was insanity.  Let me give a quick overview of my week from hell. (And I am not exaggerating when I say that.)

My mother decided that we were going to go Thanksgiving shopping AND bring the kids.  Now, just saying that makes you cringe, doesn't it?  Well, the part that makes me cringe even more is having to go with my mother.  I love my mom, don't get me wrong, but she shops at a snails pace.  She goes down every aisle carefully observing every single thing on the shelf.  She doesn't understand the meaning of speed grocery shopping, as I do.  (Especially when we leave at 11 am and I have to work at 1pm)  So, my mom is walking down every aisle at about 0.5 MPH and I offer to take the list and another cart.  Here is how that went...

Me: "Mom, why don't you just let me get another cart and help out with the list?"

Mom: "I don't get out much. I can do it."

Me: "Is there anything I can run and get for you to make this easier?"

Mom: "Do you think I am handicapped? I can do it myself."

Me: "Why don't you just give me half the list and I could help out?"

Mom: "Fine, go get me a bag of chips."

A bag of chips?  That's it?  I constantly go grocery shopping for my mom.  It isn't like I don't know how to do it.  I also do understand that she doesn't get out much because of her knee, but I'm sure her knee would be much better if she hurried up at the grocery store and got home and off of it.  In the middle of this, after bringing the chips back, I hear this from my daughter:

Alayna: "Mommy, I lost my American Girl doll hat! Lainie doesn't have her hat!"  So here I go, Alayna in tow, looking for this tiny pink American Girl hat that has mysteriously disappeared.  We walk for about 10 minutes before we find the damn hat by the frozen turkeys.   OF COURSE - No shopping trip with the kids is complete without some kind of incident.  

Here it is, now 12:45 and I tell my mom that either I have to go home and pick her up on my break or she has to hurry up so we can get out of the store.  She sighs in frustration and tells me that we can check out what we already have and I can go back to the store the day after.  Oh lovely, the excitement, I cannot wait to go back Thanksgiving shopping closer to Thanksgiving.  

We get out of the store, I get home to get onto my system for work and I find out the loveliest thing: My phone isn't working for work.  I try to pick the phone up to call into work and I hear nothing, dead air.  Of course, Verizon tech support remains to be useless as it has been for years, and I'm just more frustrated than anything that I couldn't get to work.  Verizon tells me that they can send me a replacement.  That's nice, but I lose money while they send that to me?  Not an option.  I decide to go to fight with them in person.  

Remember, the closest Verizon Wireless store to me is in Staten Island.  It isn't far, but I have to pay $8 for the bridge to get into New York. 

I get there and completely freak out on the lady behind the desk. (Of course, it isn't her fault, but I had to be overly dramatic for effect and for her to know I was absolutely serious.) After I was done the poor lady looked like a deer in the headlights because I had really let her have it.  Needless to say, I had to buy another phone because they no longer sell the hub. (That was pretty much a loser product lol)  Thank God for my plastic money. (aka: Credit card) Because I had no cash on me.  So now, I wait for a rebate in the mail to recoup some of my money.

Oh wait, but it gets better.  Last Saturday my uncle had trouble with his car starting.  He was home all week because he had surgery and was to be heading back.  His car wouldn't start so they towed it and I drove him back.  Well this week they gave us a call back and told us that we had to call a tow truck to take his car to Nissan.  It was probably his key and the computer chip in it not working.  Goodie Goodie Gumdrops...  Our AAA card is in my mom's name, so of course I had to drive her because my uncle wasn't there.  

FOUR AND A HALF HOURS we were waiting at Firestone for them to tow the freaking car to Nissan. (Which is 10 minutes away)  First they had forgotten about our service call, then they told the service car it was a lock out, then they canceled that since it wasn't and forgot to put in our new service call for a tow.  So imagine two kids in a repair shop waiting room for four hours. I don't think we're ever going to be allowed back into that repair shop again... Ever... 

The next day we were told that it was the main computer system in his car.  $1400 to fix a 12 year old car.  I suggested to my uncle to finance a new car.  His car probably is worth just a little over the $1400 and it wouldn't be worth it to fix an older car like that.  Hopefully he listens to me. 

Now, this bad luck had been drawn out through every day this week.  Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were terrible and something happened each day.  Monday, I had lost an entire day of work because of these messes that I had to take care of.  

Thursday (Thanksgiving) I wake up and smell something terrible.  Of course, I was exhausted so I disregarded it. lol  Next thing I hear is Alayna waking up and running into the kitchen, "Grandma! Call 911! There's a fire!"  I want to ease your minds, there wasn't a fire.  Though the smoke was so thick you could cut it with a knife.  After my mom comes into the kitchen cursing everything out, she tells us what had happened.

She was melting margarine in a pan to make her stuffing and put the ignition on HIGH HEAT instead of LOW HEAT.  It wasn't a fire, but our cast iron frying pan burnt so badly the smoke was terrible.  I have asthma... So I'm unable to breathe and I had to go downstairs to get fresh air.  Our hall way STILL smells of smoke.  Disgusting.  

Yesterday, I went out at the wee hours of the morning in order to go shopping.  Yes, I am crazy.  I freely admit that I am.  I have been told by everyone I know.  Last year was the first year I started to go out Black Friday shopping and I fell in love with it.  I got all of my Christmas shopping done and got home at 8:15 AM yesterday morning.  Needless to say, I didn't work yesterday.  I never expected to be out that late, but I hit quite a few stores and didn't spend that much money at all.  I can relax now and know I have no other shopping to do. :)  The joy.

I will get those winners for my two giveaways tomorrow morning and Im going to announce two more as well!  Keep posted!

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It DOES get better. Bullying and the effect on confidence.

Bullying is a topic that is near and dear to my heart because I had been the one bullied for years.  I was an adopted, geeky, slightly chubby, glasses & braces wearing child.  Now, you may think that adopted doesn't quite fit in with the other normal reasons to be bullied, but in my case it does.  You will never know what it feels like to be told by classmates that your mother didn't want you, that you were thrown in the trash, that you were unloved.  Of course, I know none of that is true, but that's now.  When I was a child facing these horrible things that I was told, I believed it.  I started to believe that maybe I wasn't wanted and maybe my [adoptive] mother didn't even want me.  When you feel unloved, out casted and unwanted, there is little that matters in life.  I had a taste of depression and anxiety at an early age because of the cruel children that decided to put me down and even worse, kick me while I was down. (Figuratively, of course...with words...)

When I was in fifth grade I faced bullying from a teacher. Yes, I said a teacher.  The main reason for her bullying was because I was adopted.  I don't remember exactly what she would say because I have pushed it out of my mind, but they were cruel things.  It wasn't only me that was being bullied, there was another adopted kid in the class who she picked on as well.  My "teacher"'s bulllying got so bad one day, I asked to go to the bathroom and just left completely.  I left my backpack there and just left.  I couldn't handle it anymore and cried.  That night, I had a nervous breakdown and refused to ever go back to that school again.  My mother transferred me to a public school.  

I continued to be bullied until I graduated HIGH SCHOOL.  The bullying even got so bad that I would get physically hurt and humiliated.  There was one time that I was walking to the front of the room for a presentation and someone actually tripped me purposely.  Things were thrown at me and (yes this happens in real life) kick me signs were put on my back.  In High School I would get actual death threats and threats to my well being because of dating guys or just walking past someone.  No one would help with the threats.  My school had just told me it was "childish behavior" that will go away.  They may have been able to write it off, but I had my mother pick me up from school every single day and drive me home, even though I lived right around the corner.  My fears and anxiety got even worse because of those who threatened me.  I would fear going to school or walking through the halls.    

Bullying and being degraded in such a way really takes a toll on your self confidence and the way you carry yourself.  For the longest time I hated myself.  I wasn't sure of my purpose here, just as the others do.  However, I never had suicidal thoughts because I knew that my family meant the world to me, even if people had been bullying me.  I was very depressed and never wanted to do anything because I was afraid that I would constantly get made fun of.  Even now, my confidence is still fairly low.  It has been built up a slight bit since I was younger, but it is still deeply impacted by my past.

Now, I teach my children to be respectful of others.  I teach them that they cannot make fun of someone because of their differences.  Everyone is special in their own way and no one deserves to be degraded or made fun of.  My girls understand and they are very respectful and polite little girls. (Well, when they want to be.)  Bullying is still a topic that is very important to me.  Maybe my story can help someone else who is going through the same thing.  There was much more that went on in the way of bullying besides what I wrote about up there.  Though, if I had gone through everything, we would be here for days...

(Inspired by Mama Kat's prompt: In what way were you labeled as a child and how did it affect you?)

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Toothpicks, meet eyes...

I wish giving birth to a baby came with an owners manual.  Honestly, I can use one.  Motherhood had no warning: May cause extreme exhaustion after the first cutesy year of their lives. Nope, nada, none what so ever.  Although I should have known the exhaustion and frustration that motherhood sometimes causes, I didn't think of it until it hit me like a ton of bricks.  Both of my girls were perfect for the first year of their lives, actually, Alayna never hit the terrible twos until she was almost three...  She's now five and they're not gone yet.  Worst part is, her hyperactivity sometimes eggs Olivia on and makes her run around like a crazy person as well.  

When you become a mother all of your perfectionism and cleanliness goes out the window.  You may try to keep up after the kids and pick up every time they take things out and don't put them away, but it's impossible. As much as you may not believe it, you will probably end up standing in piles of toys up to your knees and completely ignoring it.  I've gotten used to wading through toys to get through to my living room or their bedroom.  It's now a part of life!  I used to be ashamed to admit, there are nights where I go to bed leaving the mess as it is.  Those are the nights I have no energy nor do I have the concern for what my home looks like.  I just want to get the hell to bed and try to get some sleep!  I figure that I will pick it up in the morning, or anytime that I have the energy to.  No one drops by my house unannounced, why should it always be clean?  

Working practically two jobs and being a single mom is even more difficult.  That's my life.  I have a full time 40 hour a week job in which I work from home.  I lock myself in a tiny room with a desk and computer for 9-12 hours a day and help other people via phones and web.  How can it be exhausting? I don't leave the house!  Well, it is.  sitting in one place and staring at a computer screen for hours is mundane and exhausting.  Even though I love my job so much, there are days that I have to fight to keep my eyes open.  There are days when I find myself getting extremely tongue tied on the phones because I can't even think straight.  Those days are the worst, they drag along.  No amount of coffee or espresso or any energy drinks can make that exhaustion go away; not even temporarily...  

Then, I have my freelancing job.  I am a freelance writer and most of that work gets pushed to the back if I'm too exhausted to stand or move at the end of the day.  Otherwise, I am usually up until 2-4 am trying to meet my deadlines and writing articles over and over until they're perfect.  If I can sleep, I get to bed at 3 or 5 am and have to be up again by 7...  (Unless it's a lucky day when my mom decides to bring Alayna to school.)  I just start the entire day all over again and hope that maybe I'll have time to take a shower, shave my legs or just breathe that day.

Being a mother is an exhausting job, but it's also very rewarding.  I love my girls and would do anything for them, and that is why I work two jobs besides my blogging.  Because I want the best for them and I know that working is the way to provide for them.  I'm not at all complaining about my jobs, I love them and feel lucky to have jobs that I enjoy... I'm complaining about the lack of sleep and "mother's burn out" that I experience almost daily.  

(Inspired by Mama Kat's prompt: Why are you burned out?)

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She's like my sister...

I was never the teenager that had a lot of friends.  When I was in high school, my "group" consisted of two people who were completely different than I was and that is it.  Actually, I was the girl who got made fun of.  Oh yeah, bullied beyond belief.  That got so bad that I wouldn't want to go to school.  I wanted to stay home in bed all day and sulk about how terrible I was.  Of course, that was not an option and I had to find comfort somewhere, so I did turn to the internet.

The year was 2001 and I had found a message board for the group 'N Sync, who I was a huge fan of, so I decided to join and see what it was all about.  To make a very long story short, I had met someone who introduced me to a friend of hers... Her friend's name was Lauren.  We started talking and hit it off right away.  About a week later we had spoken on the phone and every day and every night we would talk to each other VIA phone or internet. (or even both at the same time!)  Lauren and I quickly became best friends, the kind of friend that I had never had before this.  She was someone that I could vent to, I could go to for guy advice, someone who was just like me in some ways but completely different too.  Finally, I had someone I could lean on and confide in.  

October of 2001 brought Lauren and myself wanting to get together.  I had been figure skating at that time and decided to ask Lauren to meet me at the skating rink.  The problem was, she had to get her mother to drive her. (Since we were 14 and 15, respectively...)  I had not lied to my mom about the situation, I just withheld the information from her that Lauren was coming.  (Of course, that's not how she recounts it, but it's the truth!)  -- But I digress -- Finally, after my skating session, Lauren got to the rink with her mother and we spent a very long time talking to each other and having just as much fun in person as we did online and on the phone.  Our mothers also had a great conversation and got to know each other better.  

After that Lauren and I saw each other twice a year.  She lived two hours from us, so it was impossible for us to get together more often, but we wanted to.  Once I went to college, since I went to college in Philadelphia, Lauren and I became even closer.  At that point, I lived only 15-20 minutes from her house, so I would go there often.  Honestly, I think I was at her house more than I was in my dorm room.  Her mother quickly became more like a mother to me than I realized in the years prior.  

I owe a hell of a lot to Lauren.  She is someone who can drive me crazy but keep me sane at the same time.  She is someone who I look up to, even though she's younger than me.  She's someone who I can call with the stupidest problem, and she will make me laugh.  She is someone that even though we don't talk too much anymore, once we do call each other, it's like we never stopped talking.  She is someone that taught me the real meaning of friendship, and was it means to have someone that knows you better than you know yourself. And she definitely does.  She is more like my sister than my own sister is and we will always be best friends.  

Thank you Laur, for 11 years of EVERYTHING!!

(Inspired by Mama Kat's prompt - That one time you met your online friend in real life (was it everything you thought it would be?)

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